M.Y.GxBTS Not Enough (EDITING)

40

Yoongi's POV

3 days left.

After the occasional glance at Namjoon and denying most of my food, I head upstairs, ready to get away from everyone. I get to the door of Seokjin hyung's and mine room before I am stopped. "Yoongi. Wait." The deep voice says.

I turn around slowly, barely meeting Namjoon's eyes with my own as he stares me down. "We need to talk." I wince.

"Come in here." I open the door and usher him in. He sits on my bed and waits for me to come over.

"Look, Joonie." I start. "What I said was just a joke. I don't mean it okay? I was half asleep and I didn't even know that you were the one carrying me."

He gives me a puzzled look. "Uh okay? I believe that it was a joke, why would you put so much effort into saying it was?" I freeze at that, scrambling my mind to come up with an excuse. 

"Anyways, that's not what I was here to talk to you about." This time it's me to give him a puzzled look.

His face suddenly becomes flushed, his eyes looking anywhere but mine as he fiddled with his fingers. I bring my face closer to his, "Are you okay?" I ask nervously. He probably came here to kick me out of the band and he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I knew this day would come, but not this early.

I should have killed myself years ago. Before I even joined BigHit, mother was right, I should not Perdue music as a career, I should have never ran away from home for this.

I start hyperventilating, working myself up over my thoughts. Tears brim my eyes as I think more and more of the possibilities. I need a way out, I need to cut. I need to kill myself.

"Yoongi? Yoongi!" I barely hear Namjoon's voice. My shoulders are shaken roughly, bringing me out of my thoughts. I see the eyes of Namjoon right in front of me, "Yoongi? You are okay. It's okay, calm down." He hugs me.

"I'm sorry Namjoon."

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong."

I shake my head a little, sniffing next to his ear. When I have gathered my senses enough I speak. "It is nothing, just stress. What did you want to tell me?"

"Now is not the right time. I'll tell you later." He gets out of the hug, smiling at me a minute before standing up. "I have to go, make sure you get enough sleep. The concert is in three days." I nod at him as he leaves the room, closing the door behind him.

I'm so stupid, I had a panic attack over absolutely nothing.

I get up and grab some clothes out of the dresser and head towards the bathroom. I need to get rid of the food. I kneel pathetically in front of the toilet, shoving two fingers down my throat, dry heaving, choking and finally puking up everything.

I flush the toilet before falling against the wall, sliding down onto the floor. Tears fall out of my eyes, blinding me. I let them fall, I can't deal with it. It's too much, "why can't I die already." I whisper to myself, silently crying while clutching the night clothes. My head falls back, my eyes closing shut as I drift off to sleep.

•••

I wake up in a cold sweat, tears falling out of my eyes again. The nightmare still haunting me, becoming more severe with every sleep. I didn't even get to workout last night.

"Two days left, just wait two more days". I whisper to myself. I gather myself up off of the cold, bathroom floor. My head swaying side to side as I turn the shower on, my stuff muscles barely working.

The steam covers the mirror as I strip. I step on the scale reading the pitiful numbers on the digital screen.

46.9 kg (103.3lbs)

I really know how to be a fatty.

•••

I step out of the shower drying myself and getting dressed into the night clothes I was supposed to fall asleep in. It was only now I noticed the pounding headache I had. I grab my head and wince at the pain. I walk out the bathroom and go downstairs towards the kitchen. I need medicine.

"There you are Yoongi! I've been looking everywhere for you!" Jin hyung exclaims as he bounces into the kitchen. My head pounds worse at the loud voice. I grit my teeth, and shut my eyes tightly, cradling my head in my hands. "Are you okay Yoongi? Are you hurt?" The voice gets closer.

"I'm fine, I just need some medicine, I'm not feeling very well." I say softly, trying to sooth the migraine.

"Let me grab it.... here's some water too." He passes me a water bottle and some medicine.

"Thank you hyung." I say before I gulp down the water and medicine. He pays my shoulder as he speaks, "it's okay, you should probably rest today."

I shake my head vigorously, my head pounding at the movement, "No thank you, I need to go. I won't be prepared other wise. Please let me go." I plead.

"Fine," he sighs. "But if I see you over exerting yourself, I will send you to bed straight away." I nod at his acceptance.

"You have to get changed we are leaving soon." He ushers me to get changed.

I just hope I won't pass out or something bad, I do not want to go to a hospital ever again.