M.Y.GxBTS Not Enough (EDITING)

19

Yoongi's POV

I wake up to the rain in the middle of the night, the window is still open but no rain is coming in, just blowing wind.

I reach my hand upwards, the wind blowing on my fingers. It feels peaceful.

The boys' legs and arms and arms are still wrapped around me. I need to be alone right now.

I slowly untangle myself from the two and go down stairs, keeping the front door unlocked as I walk out the front door.

I walk out the building into the rain. It's so calming, this is what I need.

I lay down on the wet driveway, the raindroplets falling on top of me as I let them. A see a few lightning strikes as I lay there, eyes closed.

Why couldn't I be something so simple? Like a raindrop. I wouldn't have to deal with this shit.

Why am I not enough for anyone?

Why do I dissapoint everyone?

Why am I so fat?

Why doesn't anyone notice my progress?

Have I even made any?

I let the dark thoughts consume me as I keep laying there, on the cold wet ground, my mind reaching for any unhealthy thought it could find.

I hope I get a cold and just die. This life is too hard. I'm not strong enough to survive.

Just cut it all away

Don't have to feel anything anymore if it goes deep enough.

The wind send shivers throughout my spine. It's comforting. I wanna stay out here forever, but I know people on the street late at night would think I'm weird. The thunder rumbles one last time before I go back inside.

I open the door, locking it behind me as I go towards the bathroom I almost got caught in. It wouldn't hurt to try again? I wouldn't have to use water, I could just fill up the tub with blood. That kinda makes me sound like a phsycopath but I still thought it, I wouldn't actually do it though.

Right?

That would just create too much blood for everyone to clean up.

They shouldn't have to find my bloody body anyway, but I can't help it. I don't want to take the easy way out, like taking a few too many pills. Maybe I should jump off this building? I've always wondered what it felt like to free fall. That would take to long to go up to the roof although I do miss the calming rain.

I lock the bathroom door heading for the toilet.

'should I write I note?' I think as I open the toilet seat shoving my fingers down my throat, doing it as much as I can until my throat feels like lava. I don't even think twice about it, it feels like the right time, even though I haven't eaten anything. One, or maybe a few last times for good luck?

I hurl my guts up into the toilet seat. Not that there is much to hurl up.

I start to chuckle to myself. Isn't this so stupid? I'm so depressed and have a problem. I know that I'm not dumb but I just can't seem to stop. I'm not enough for anyone. I don't even care what they think but I do at the same time.

I chuckle again as I flush the toilet going for the cupboard. I could write my message in blood on the walls before I die of blood loss.

A tear falls down my face as I laugh at myself, grabbing the only source of comfort out of the secret box in the cupboard.

I sit down in the bathtub, taking off my bloodied bandages.

I can't die yet, that would be a burden on them. I'll wait until after the comeback and new album release, it's a win win situation. They won't have to deal with me anymore and have the loving fans, buying the new album and supporting them, while I get to have one last time on the stage and get out of here.