M.Y.GxBTS Not Enough (EDITING)

38

??? POV

I know you are a whole lot worse.

I can tell you are on the verge of tears constantly.

You are trying to hide your hurt.

I feel like you are waiting for something.

I want to know what you are thinking.

I worried about you.

You need help.

But I can't bring myself to confront you.

Yoongi's POV

5 days left

I'm either practising or crying and cutting. There is no in between. I don't talk to anyone unless it's about something I've forgotten or they are worrying about me. Both I don't like.

"Yoongi?" The voice jolts me out of my thoughts. I look at Jimin in silent question.

"I've called you a few times now, break has ended." I nod at him and stand up, my dizziness almost makes me fall as I start to walk away. Jimin suddenly grabs my arm, looking at his hand in surprise for a few seconds.

He can feel how fat my arms are. I inwardly cringe and my cheeks flush red in embarrassment.

"Wait." He starts. "Are you okay? You have been spacing out a lot." He looks at me in concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I pull my arm out of his grip with effort, walking back to our starting positions.

"We are recording this one guys, so make it good." Namjoon says as we position ourselves.

I'm too fat to be recorded. I would make everyone cover their eyes. I shouldn't be here.

'Okay, calm down, it will be over soon. Just get over it.' I tell my self. 'It's your fault for being fat in the first place pig, you deserve shame.'

The song plays as we start dancing.

We are all sweaty by the time the song finishes. I think I'm gonna pass out again we have been practising since 10 this morning and now it is 2 in the afternoon.

"Good job guys, we can go home but we will be back later for more practise."

Everyone groans at announcement except me. I know it is very tiring, and makes me want to go to sleep, but that is what is good about it. I don't have to think about food, and I'm losing weight. I've lost another 1.5 kilograms (3.6lbs), so the dancing is helping a lot. I don't want to be fat when I die.

I walk over to my bag, pulling out a towel to wipe myself down. I grab a water bottle, drinking the rest and putting it in the bin. Jimin comes back over, sitting next to me. I've noticed he has gotten skinnier. Is he relapsing?

"Are you okay?" We day at the same time. We look at each other, "ah you go first." He says awkwardly.

I sigh and start. "I know you have gotten skinnier," he releases a small smile. "That is not a good thing." He frowns at this.

"You can't be starving yourself, it is not good for you. I worry for you, you are sick Jiminie."

"But I look better, besides you are doing it." My eyes widen in surprise. "And you look so much better." He grumbles as he stands up and walks to his bag, grabbing it as he stalks out of the room.

Tears brim my eyes, I look better.

But not enough.

"Are you okay Yoongi? What's wrong?" Tae is suddenly in front of me, the close proximity paralysing me.

"I-Uh-j-"

"It's okay," he wipes a tear that escaped my eye. He hugs me. "What's wrong?"

The other members stare at us, making me put my face in his neck in embarrassment. "Nothing."

"I know something is wrong, you've been holding back tears for weeks."

I'm amazed he noticed that, "Just.... Stressed is all, but it'll all be over soon." I think he took the meaning of it wrong,  but that's okay. "Yeah, that's good. I'm glad it will be over soon. Try to relax for now yeah?" I nod into his shirt.

5 days left and I'm free.

I should probably start saying good bye to everyone... who am I kidding, they aren't gonna miss me. I'm a fucking burden to everyone, to the world.