Against Reason

Chapter 20: I Loved Her

Ok this chapter is dedicated to fangirlforcolfer because she wrote one of the most fantastic Emison fanfictions I've ever read. Seriously guys it's worth your time go read it, it is probably my favorite. She managed to capture the characters perfectly and that's exactly what I love in fanfictions. They r real characters and people so somehow you have to stay true to who they actually are because that's what makes it a fanfiction and not just a fiction with the same names. Ok enough of my rant enjoy the chapter!

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Emily's POV

After the girls left my room, they stayed right outside and talked about me. Just because I won't move or talk or eat, it doesn't mean I still can't hear. I didn't do anything about it though because everything they said was true. They did lose me when we lost Alison. Because I lost me. I let go of who I was and I can't find it anymore. I don't want to find it, there's no point anymore. Love is like a million different strings keeping you tied down to one thing. The thing you love. And if you lose that, you lose yourself. When I lost Ali all those strings were cut, one by one, until there was nothing left holding me down. Now I'm just Emily Fields, but I don't even know who that is anymore. It's just a name.

My mom comes in to check on me a couple times everyday, but she's stopped asking me questions. "Are you ok? Do you want anything? How you feeling?" These questions mean nothing to me anymore. She comes in about fifteen minutes after the girls leave. When she sees me, she sighs but nonetheless comes and sits down next to me on the bed.

She doesn't say a word but she take a brush out and starts to brush my hair. I don't speak of move, I just let her do it. I can hear her sniffling and I can feel her tears drip down on my shoulders but I don't do anything. I just let her brush my hair because that's all that I can let her do. I can let her pretend that I'm coming back. I can let her pretend that I'm still her baby girl. But I'm not, I'm just a shell.

When my mom is done she just gets up and walks out. Some unmeasurable about of time passes but when she walks back in I still haven't moved.

"Honey the girls are coming back. They said they have to talk to you. Can you please say anything to them?" my mom pleads with me, but I stay silent. She stares at me for a couple seconds before turning and walking back out of my room. I think I know why the girls are coming by and I'm dreading it. I never told anyone why Ali's death tore me apart and I'm not looking forward to opening up about it.

About twenty minutes pass when I hear their cars pull up in the driveway. I can hear them talking to my mother from downstairs.

"How is she?" Spencer asks my mother.

"The same. She hasn't moved all day. I can't get her to eat and I don't think she sleeps. Why is this happening to my baby girl?" my mom says, her voice breaking.

"We don't know Mrs. Fields," Hanna's voice says gently. "But that's what we are here to find out."

I can hear their feet pounding up the stairs but I don't move. When they walk in, their faces immediately drop.

"She hasn't moved from that spot," Aria says to the other girls, speaking like I'm not even there. She's right though, I'm not here with them.

"Em?" Spencer calls out. "Can you talk to us for a minute?" Silence. They sit on the edge of my bed and stare at me, waiting for my response. After about a minute Hanna cuts the silence.

"Why can't you get over Ali?" Hanna asks bluntly.

"Hanna!" Spencer and Aria hiss out. They probably didn't want to come out with it that boldly but at least the question is now out.