Against Reason

Chapter 19: Waiting

Alrighty guys this chapter is dedicated to nayaisqueen for writing one of the nicest comments I've read in my whole life. Seriously guys it made my heart grow three sizes like the Grinch:)  I honestly wasn't planning on updating for a couple days because I was just kinda tired of writing but nayaisqueen reminded me that I have people who are counting on me:)  You guys are my motivation so thank you so much:)  Enjoy the chapter!

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*One Day Later*

"Guys I've left her a ton of messages," Aria's voice over our 4 way call is worried.  After finding Alison missing we all went back to sleep, hoping she'd just appear when we woke up.  When she didn't, we assumed she may have gone home.  Spencer went to her house to check while the rest of us split up to check the places she would normally go to.  She wasn't at the brew, the grill, or the library.  Now we were all on a 4-way conference call to try and piece together where she was.

"Should we tell her parents?" I ask, floating the idea around.

"No, we made a promise remember? Always cover for each other, no matter what," Hanna cuts in.  

"Well we have to do something," Spencer says.

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*One Week Later*

"It's been a week, we have to tell someone.  We can't cover for her anymore, not when we don't know where she is," I tell all the girls over a pumpkin latte.  We all met up at the brew to discuss our plan, Ali's been missing too long with no contact for us to not tell her parents.  

"I guess your right Em," Hanna says defeated.  As the week has gone on, my worry has grown.  Every day that we got nothing but radio silence was another day where my anxiety level lifted. I feel like low blood sugar Spencer, that’s worse than no caffeine Spencer.

"Guys, do you think something might have happened to her?" Aria says, her voice breaking at the end.

"No!" Spencer says forcefully. "She probably just ran off with some boy, Ali is gonna be fine."  I sure hope so.

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*One Month Later*

"The police will find her, they have to," Aria says while rubbing my back.  I've been taking Ali's disappearance the worst, but that's no shocker.  The girls come over every once and a while to check on me.  This happens to be one of those times.

"They have a lot of leads Em, it's not like she could just disappear without a trace," Spencer tells me comfortingly.

"I miss her so much," I sob into Hanna's jacket.  I feel like most of my time is spent crying, I can't handle not hearing Ali's beautiful laugh, or seeing her dimpled smile.  Everyday that she’s been gone has been another day where I retreat more into myself.  I’ve been pulling away from everyone, my mom, the girls, even my dad.  When he came home to check on me, it was hard to be excited when all I could think about was Alison.

"We know Em, we know," Hanna says as she breathes into my hair. When will Ali come home?

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*One Year Later*

"Come on Em, you have to eat something," Hanna says as she pushes a tray of soup towards me.  Even if I felt like eating, I wouldn't eat that.  It's been sitting at the foot of my bed for 2 days, I just hope Hanna doesn't know it's been that long since I've moved.

"Emily, you're gonna have to move on.  We all have," Spencer says sternly.  She's been trying to get me to forget about Ali since the very beginning.  I just continue to stare blankly at my duvet.  I've barely spoken 2 words to anyone since the police stopped actively searching. There's just no point.

"Maybe they'll find her someday, and we'll realize she just ran off with some boy or something," Aria says with a light laugh.  Always the hopefully one.  What she doesn't know is that hope breeds eternally misery, just like Spencer always says.

"We all know that she's dead.  You don't need to sugarcoat it for me," I say vacantly, not really with it.  The girls all look shocked that they got me to speak.  My voice is hoarse and cracked from disuse.  They don't say anything to deny it or reassure me.  We've all accepted that Ali is never going to come back to us.

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Hanna's POV

"What are we going to do about Emily? It's been a year," I say while walking out of Emily's room with Aria and Spencer.  We've come to peace about Ali's death but Emily just can't get a hold on it.  She can't get a hold on anything anymore, it's like she's just slipping through our fingers.

"I can't handle seeing her like this anymore guys.  To see her looking straight through you is one of the most painful things I've had to handle.  Her eyes that used to light up whenever she got too excited about anything just look dull.  Dead," a few tears escape from Aria's eyes as she speaks.  Her voice is shaky.

"Besides just now in her bedroom, I don't remember the last time she spoke to us.  I missed hearing her voice more than I even knew.  That night at the barn, we lost more than just Ali.  We lost Emily too," Spencer looks like she is trying to accept the fact that Emily is gone and we will never get her back.  But I refuse to let that happen.

"No! We are not going to give up on her guys.  Emily is strong, she'll get past this.  We just need to show her there's more to life than just Ali.  Why is she taking this so much harder than the rest of us anyway? I know she was super protective of Ali but I didn't know that it went this deep," I point out, confused.  Aria looks just as confused as I feel but Spencer looks guilty.  I want to push her on it but I can't.  I'm afraid if I ask her, she might tell me.

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I'm sorry it's short guys I just didn't know how to show the timeline of Ali disappearing and this was the best idea I had.  I have more coming soon I promise! I just need to get out of the funk I'm in right now, I’m just out of my groove.  Don't worry I'm still pushing my metaphorical car that has turned into an 18-wheeler that has now turned into a freight train.  Much love!

-Haley:)