The Good, The Bad, and The Dirty

Birds and the Bees

Warning ⚠️ Awkward "birds and the bees talk" and Abuse.

Also I think you guys will like Chosen this chapter;)

August Age 7

"Hey momma?" Dan asked. The two had just finished dinner of soup, and little Dan had a question that was bugging him all day.

"Yes deary?" Tiffany asked.

"Do you remember when I asked that question and you said 'ask again in August'?" Dan said a bit nervously and Tiffany looked confused.

"Um no deary? What was the question?" Tiffany asked, laughing a bit.

"Where do babies come from?" Dan asked innocently. His mother nearly choked on her saliva.

"I-I..Okay..I guess you're old enough? Oh god I've regretted this conversation okay son lets go sit on the couch." Tiffany said nervously and Dan had no idea why.

•

"Son, Sit down its time I talk to you about pleasing women." Pete said and waddled his way to Phil's bed and sat next to him.

"Um..What? Pleasing women?" Phil asked confused.

"Yeah Y'know, the ol birds and the bees." Pete said and sighed. "Look kid, I know I might've done some bad things in the past but I want to make it up for it. So your mum said I should give you the talk, dad to son." Pete said proudly.

"First of all, fuck you. Second of all, you're not my dad. Third of all, what talk?" Phil asked.

"Well son, do you ever see a girl in like, a really short skirt and then it feels like your pants shrink a size?" Pete asked and Phil looked very confused.

"Um..N-"

"Well that kid is called a boner! That thing between your leg, that dangles a bit? That's called a penis, a cock, a willy whatever you kids call it." Pete said taking a swig of his beer. "Now a boner is when the dick sticks up because, ya like what ya see."

"This is weird..I don't want to talk about this anymore.." Phil said, very uncomfortable.

"Just shut up boy! I'm about to get to the good part. So then girls have this thing called a vagina. When a girl likes what she sees, it gets wet. Now girls body are only used for the pleasure of men so if you don't like what you see, either move on or make her change." Pete said and Phil looked disgusted.

"Fuck no! That's so rude!" Phil said in disgust.

"Oh just shut up I'm not done! So then the guy puts the dick inside the vagina and ejaculates. White stuff comes out and it fertilizers the egg that baby is inside and BAM! That's how kids are made." Pete finished and took a big chug of his beer.

Phil felt like gagging. He definitely did not like that. It was quiet for a minute until finally Phil spoke up.

"What about boys?" Phil asked carefully.

"What about boys?" Pete said looking at him with dark eyes.

"How do two boys do it..?" Phil asked and anger filled Pete's eyes.

"Are you fucking serious!? I just told you about a woman's body and all you can think about is slurping nutsack! Fucking faggot!" Pete screamed and smashed beer bottle against Phil's ribs. Phil cried out in pain and attempted to run.

"GET BACK HERE BOY!"

•

"So hun..um..do you know that long or small thing between your legs?" Tiffany asked awkwardly.

"Yeah?" Dan said confused.

"Well..That's called a penis. Girls don't have those. They have vaginas. It's kinda like a big ol hole..So the guy puts his penis in the vagina and he spurts out white stuff. The stuff is call cum..So uh..girls have really small eggs inside them and the cum fertilizers those eggs and that's how babies are made." Tiffany said. She felt so weird explaining this. Dan felt awkward, he thought his penis would get lost in the hole if it was big, he didn't understand.

"Can two boys do that..?" Dan asked and Tiffany gulped.

"Well kinda. But it's wrong and you're not suppose to. Goodnight dear." Tiffany said and walked away fast.

•

It was one day later since the whole 'incident' and so far Dan, Phil, Jaeden, Wyatt, and Chosen were sitting in a circle in the junkyard.

"Well obviously I knew how kids were made! Here's how it goes-"

"NO CHOSEN PLEASE DONT! I'm scarred enough already. I just want to know if the same gender can do it." Phil said. The whole group already knew how the opposite genders do it, just not the same.

"Alright Alright, do you want to hear how guys do it or girls?" Chosen asked.

"Guys!" Jaeden said quickly.

"Alright gays listen up-"

"Don't you mean guys?" Dan said, interrupting Chosen.

"Did I fuckin stutter? Now listen up gays. So we all have assholes right?" Chosen said and everyone looked confused.

"What's an Asshole?" Wyatt said confused.

"The thing shi-poop comes out of." Chosen said.

"Eww!" The kids said.

"Yeah Yeah. Anyway the guy takes his dick, and puts it in the others asshole." Chosen said while sipping apple juice.

"But..wouldn't it get dirty?" Dan asked and Chosen shrugged.

"I don't fuckin know! You probably clean it first. Some people lick it." Chosen said.

"That's..weird.."Jaeden said while blushing.

"Yeah, So back to the how girls do it! So basically they rub their vaginas together." Chosen said and took a bite of his cookie.

"Wait wait. Wouldn't that like start a fire? Y'know rubbing to warm things together? Or is it cold?" Wyatt asked confused.

"No dude the vagina is wet-"

"So they pee on!?!?" Phil said interrupting Chosen, while gagging.

"No! It's like natural juices or some shit-"

"Girls have apple juice in their vagina?!?" Jaeden said while hiding his face into the crook of Wyatt's neck.

"NO! Stop fucking interrupting me!" Chosen said frustrated. "Look that's how the same genders do it. Any more questions?" Chosen asked. The kids, who were even more scarred, simply shook their heads.

Alright I'm probably going to regret doing this but, whoever the first person that can guess the sexuality of all the kids correctly, I'm going to dm that person and tell them the plot but I'm so positive that no one will guess it ALL correctly. You have until next chapter.

Dan-
Phil-
Wyatt-
Jaeden-
Pj-
Chris-
Chosen-
Sophia-
Jeremy-
Jack-
Finn-

Good luck.

Also does anyone not like Chosen? I'm kinda curious.