My Little Soldier (Professor Snape x student fanfic)

47

The sun rising in the horizon gives a orange glow on the Quidditch field, making it look like it was on fire. In the center of it stands Amelia. Her light brown hair pulled into a mess bun, her black wife-beater drenched in sweat, beads of it trail down her forehead as she continues training. Her amber-like gold eyes look at the makeshift punching bag in anger as she continues boxing. 

In her head flashes of memories appear before her. To be specific, his face, his smile, his voice. She can't get him out of her head. Each punch is fill with anger and pain. 

Weak

She punches the bag harder, as she hears him whisper inside her mind. 

Only thing you are good for is fucking

Punch

You belong to me, YOU ARE MINE.

Punch

Come here, you know what happens when you disobey

Punch

My little princess

She holds the bag and start punching it over and over again while screaming 'shut up' repeatedly. She imagines it that it is his face she is punching. Blood starts to color the bag. She punches it once more as the image of herself when she was young appears in her mind. She punched it hard enough for it to break. 

She takes a step back, her breathing is uneven because of the sudden rage and exhaustion. The adrenaline surging through her doesn't help with the situation. She grips her hair and roars out in frustration. She thought that once he was gone, she would have finally have peace, but that was not the case.  The anger she feels for him and for herself is overwhelming. She killed a man, an awful man, but a man nonetheless. She has tried to convince herself that she did what she did to survive. She doesn't understand why it is bothering her so much. She doesn't understand why she is so angry with herself. 

Because you took the easy way out. His words make her stop gripping her hair. She lays down on the floor and closes her eyes. She knows that this is just her subconscious talking. 

Killing me was the easy way out. Killing is easy, you have been training for it your whole life... You thought you had changed, that you stopped being the machine you were raised to be... You wanted to save lives for a change. She imagines him standing in front of her wearing his uniform. 

"Your life didn't deserve saving." This makes him scoff and look at the ground with a smile. 

That much is true... You are angry with me because my death didn't take away your suffering and I never apologized for it... and even though I caused you so much pain, even though you felt nothing when you plundged a knife into my chest... You don't hate me. He looks at her eyes with a serious expression. Amelia scoffs at him with disbelief. 

Of course I hate you, you made my life a nightmare. He grins at her with sympathy that he never had in real life.

You know that is a lie. You don't hate me, hatred is something that you don't have. You are a good person, Amelia... 

You are angry because of how easy it was to kill me, you are disgusted by the fact that you almost felt nothing, how it was like tying your shoes. How machine like you were... There is nothing wrong with feeling nothing, my dear

No, it is wrong. A normal person would have had freaked out, felt something, anything. Amelia looks at her feet. She feels as if she has no hope left. 

That would have made you weak. You are not a normal person. You are strong Amelia, stop punishing yourself. Why worry over nothing? She can't help but agree with his words. She has suffered enough, why is she prolonging this? It is better to feel nothing, than to be overwhelmed by emotions. This way she can do anything without having to deal with the consequences of a breakdown. 

You are right. I am strong. Just because I can dissociate myself in moments of need, does not make me a monster like you. Good bye, Uncle Drake. 

Good bye, Amelia. I will see you again. Amelia frowns at the thought. 

She opens her eyes as a new woman, staring at the sun. She had survived a traumatic event, and she will not dwell on it anymore. The past is the past, she has to live in the present. What happened that night has given her strength, made her realize thar her nothingness makes her strong. Amelia stands up, with determination. 

He watches her from afar. He saw her breakdown. He is intrigued by this, as he watches her stand up. He wonders why she hasn't healed her knuckles yet for they are raw and red with blood. She conjures up some bandages and shakingly wraps her knuckles. He takes a step back when she suddenly looks his way. Her eyes hold nothing, not the shine she always has when she looks at him. Her walls are stronger than before, her fear is gone.