My Baby's Daddy

Chapter 44

Kirsnick Ball

I don't know if that conversation gave me exactly what I was looking for, but It gave me a better understanding of why her mother acts the way that she does. She never wanted to be a mother and it's safe to say that she was forced to have y/n and then she had to take care of her on her own after her father died.

"What's the matter with you?"

I looked up and Y/n was sitting in the middle of the floor with the kids. I shook my head. "nothing I was just thinking about something."

"What you thinking about?" she asked me.

"you don't really talk about your dad much." I said.

She sucked in a deep breath then started to get up from the floor. I got up and went over to help her up, but she just smacked my hands away from her. She never accepts my help when I try to help her.

"come on," she said as she started toward the door that lead out onto the patio in the backyard. She sat down at the table and waited for me to sit down. "Why you asking about my dad?"

"I was just curious. You and your mom never seemed like you got alone but you were trying to hard in order to help her get better."

"You think that my dad has something to do with that?" she asked.

I shrugged. "no, I was just curious."

"you know when I think back, I can't even really remember if my parents were ever together, but it never felt like it. It just left like they had to be around each other because of me. My dad had me most of the time and he gave my mother whatever she wanted so that she wouldn't get in his way of being a parent. Then he died."

"do you know what happened?"

"I was there," she said. "it wasn't until I got older that I was really able to understand what happened. My entire childhood they told me that he died of a heart attack, but he was 28, a lean man, looking at pictures he looked like he took good care of himself."

"So, what happened?" I asked.

"I know now that it was drugs. They were doing drugs all the time and I was so young that I just didn't remember. Then after he died my mom spent all his money having me set up with nannies and caretakers so that she would be free to go out and do drugs." She shook her head. "drugs killed my father and if I don't get her the help she needs they're gonna take my mom from me too."

"So you know," I asked him.

"know what?" she asked me.

"the other day, I went to talk to your mom. She told me the story about how she ended up where she is."

"what did she say?" y/n asked.

"that she was never meant to be a parent, that you're an amazing girl, and the only reason you turned out that way is cause she didn't raise you." I told her.

"really?" she sat back in the chair and looked up toward the sky. She was quiet for a long time.

"what you thinking about?" I asked her.

"my parents were probably two of the worst kinds of parents out there and I got very very lucky that I turned out to be this normal."

"you think you're normal?" I asked her.

She looked over at me with narrowed eyes. "what you trying to say?"

"you eat pizza with a knife and fork." I said as I got up from the chair. "you are far from normal."

"I do it so that I wont get my hands greasy." She said.

"that's the point of eating pizza." I said. She got up and followed me back into the house.

Y/n

That night I had nightmares. I haven't had these dreams for years, and now they're back. When I was younger I would wake up out of my sleep screaming at the top of my lungs. As I got older, and I started filling my free time with things to help me forget the dreams started to go away. This stuff with my mom and the conversation about my dad that we had today is starting to drag up al those old memories.

"are you awake?" Kirsnick voice called in the darkness. I lifted my head from it's place on his chest. I could barely make out where his face was int eh darkness.

"why aren't you sleeping?" I asked.

"you were crying," he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. "tell me what's the matter."

"I was there," I told him.

"Where?" he asked.

"I was in the house the night he died....i found him." I told him. He hugged me tighter and that was probably because he didn't know what to say next. "the house that we had was a big almost the same size as this one and my room was down the hallways from his. I remember at night they would throw parties and it would be really loud, but I was able to fall asleep anyway but this night it was too loud. I got up in the middle of the night and I went to look for them."

"for your parents?" he asked.

"yeah, usually I would go downstairs and walk around the party until someone would pick me up and bring me to my dad and he would bring me back to my room and read to me until I fell asleep. I walked around with my favorite story book in my hands for nearly an hour and no one even looked my way. I went up to his room and all of the lights were off except for the light in the bathroom." I sat up on the bed and he turned on the light on his bedside lamp. "he was laying on the floor and there were needles and a bag filled with what I didn't know were drugs at the time. I went downstairs and I found my mama half asleep on the sofa. I dragged her up the stairs and when she saw him, and she screamed I knew that something was wrong."

"and he was gone?" he asked. I nodded.

"that was the worst day of my life." I said to him. "cause not only did I lose my dad, I lost the little bit of a mother that I had."

"how come you never told me about this?" he asked me.

"I don't like to talk about it cause when I talk about it, I start to get the nightmares again. I start to dream about finding him there and the way he looked lying there. It's just.....not something that I like to talk about." I said.

Kirsnick reached over and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to him. i sucked in a deep breath and inhaled the smell of his cologne. "you don't have to worry anymore. You know that right?"

"I know, but the worrying isn't about me. It's about-"

"we can try to help her." He said to me. "but I want you to be prepared for the very real possibility that she won't want the help, but if she's open to it then we will do whatever it takes to help her."

"thank you," I said to him. "all I wanna do is help her. I don't want to lose her too."