The Vampire Slayer Diaries

Bad Eggs*

Sitting in the Teen Health class with Xander and Willow, our teacher Mr. Whitmore was writing 'SEX" on the board

"Sex." He said facing the class. " The sex drive in the human animal is intense. How many of us have lost countless productive hours plagued by unwanted sexual thoughts and feelings?"

"Yes!" Xander yelled raising his hand and nodding. "Mm-hm."

Willow and I gave him a concerned look.

"That was a rhetorical question, Mr. Harris not a poll." Whitmore said.

Several students giggled causing Xander to lower his hand, I spun around to all the students and they immediately stopped laughing. No one wanted to mess with me. I smirked and turned back around.

"Of course, for teenagers such as yourselves these feelings are even more overwhelming. With all sorts of hormones surging..."

Willow was clearly feeling nervous, and looked back and forth between Xander and giving her attention to the teacher.

"...through your bodies, compelling you to action, it's often difficult to remember that there are negative consequences to, uh, having sex. Would anyone care to offer one such consequence?" Whitmore asked.

Cordelia raised her hand and Mr. Whitmore indicates to her, giving her the floor.

"Well, that depends. Are you talking about sex in the car or out of the car?" Cordelia asked. " Because I have a friend, not me, that was in a Miata at, parked at the top of the hill, and then she kicked the gearshift, and, and..."

"Yeah." Mr. Whitmore interrupted. "I, I was thinking of something a little more commonplace Ms. Chase."

Xander raised his hand, and Mr. Whitmore indicated to him. Willow stared at him.

"You wanna talk negative consequence?" Xander asked, giving Cordelia a strange look." What about the heartbreak of halitosis?"

Cordelia looked back at him sharing the same expression.

"I mean, a girl may seem spiffy, but if she ignores her flossing the bloom is definitely off the rose." Xander continued.

Cordelia immediately raised her hand again. Mr. Whitmore exhaled and gave her permission to speak again.

"Like that compares to kissing a guy who thinks the Hoover technique is a big turn-on." Cordelia said.

Willow looked back and forth between the two of them, very confused. I feel so bad for her, I knew that Xan and Cordy were doing things probably the only one who did other than Rome, but I didn't want to be the one to break my best friend's heart or spill my other best friend's secret, it wasn't my place. The exchange started to draw muffled comments from among the other students. I ignored it this time.

"What about having to feign interest in her vapid little chit-chat just so you can get some touch?" Xander said.

Cordelia looked incensed.

"Now. Another consequence of sexual activity? Anyone" Mr. Whitmore asked.

Cordelia raised her hand again.

"Uh else?" Whitmore said.

Willow raised her hand and he quickly indicated that she should speak.

"How about pregnancy?" Will asked. "That would be a major one, right?"

"Thank you, Ms. Rosenberg!" Mr. Whitmore told her, she smiled smugly.

"Among teens unwanted pregnancy is the number one negative consequence of sexual activity. So, as discussed last week, I present you with... " Whitmore took a sheet off of two trays of eggs. "Your offspring you will split into parenting teams. "You and your partner will share equally in the daily task of raising your egg. Now, please choose a partner and come pick up your children."