Always You || Patrick Cripps

38.

Georgia's POV

I thought I was ready. I felt quietly confident. Still extremely anxious, nothing could take that fear away. But I suddenly wanted to conquer my fears of random strangers at the G. I had fully prepared for it.

The list goes on of reasons why I should back out while I could. It would be easier if I chose not to go. I wouldn't experience the anxiety I knew I would.

But that wouldn't be a good representation of who I was. If I didn't do this now, I knew I never would. So while I had the people I loved around me, I was taking full advantage.

I hadn't left the house properly since the incident. There was nothing physically stopping me.

Again, the mental side of things had taken full control of me. But today was the day I would finally push through it all and go and watch Pat play the game he loves.

It was a big step for me and I was taking it seriously. And so were the people around me, or at least trying to. They still had that understanding of what happened, but I knew their lives couldn't wait.

Who would want to sit around while I struggled to catch up. That's why I was pushing myself so hard to get there.

I had been lost. For months now. Trying to find who I was again. Trying to get back all the self worth I had, all the love I had for my life. It had all vanished and I wanted it back.

It was just another reason for attending the game. Even though there were so many pessimistic thoughts constantly running through my head, I was going to go and I was going to get through the whole game.

The game was at the MCG. With 60,000 or more people inside, it was going to be loud. The noises I knew would scare me initially. And the faces of strangers would frighten me to.

I was going with the usual group of people, Tash, Grace and Marcus.

The game started at 3:00 but we were not going to risk me being triggered by anything there. We would usually go a couple of hours early but not today.

I was planning on driving in closer to game time with Tash and Grace and find our seats. That's where we would meet Marcus as he was catching a ride with Pat.

Pat was fully supportive of my decision to come. I could tell he was worried about me, but I remembered that I told him to stop worrying about me.

But in my mind that didn't mean that I wanted him to completely forget that I was still going through something really hard. It just meant I couldn't let him skip training any longer.

When I was ready, I got in the car with Tash and Grace getting in right after me. We drove to the ground in no rush whatsoever.

I could already feel the nerves build up inside of me. My left leg tingled, petrified of reliving that pain. While my right leg bounced at a rapid pace clearly demonstrating how anxious I was.

I had a feeling. One I felt more often than not. It was a horrible, dark, scary feeling of anxiety that I had somehow gotten used to.

But this time it was worse. The added side effects and consequences of having anxiety were 10 times its usual amount. I knew this was the most anxious I had ever been.

It had never reached such a level but I was ready to push through it. There are just things that are sometimes more important. And Pat was one of those things.

As we entered the MCG I held Tash's hand and gripped onto it for dear life. Already, the feeling of anguish surrounded me as I stood still in front of the doors of the ground. As thousands of people flocked to their seats hoping to make the first bounce.