KING OF TORMENTS [Completed]

CHAPTER 48

I stayed in the hospital for more than a week. Ngayon ang araw kung kailan ako madi-discharge. Sa mga araw na iyon nanatili sa tabi ko si Davil kahit halos hindi ko rin naman siya pinapansin at kinakausap. Ang ibang miyembro naman ng Upper Hierarchy ay nagpapalit-palit lang ng pagdalaw pero kadalasan si Vain ang dumadalaw at nakikipagharutan kay Lush. Hindi ko talaga maintindihan kung paano sila naging mag-best friend. Yes, they were both lunatics but they came from a total opposite family.

Kapag wala si Vain napapansin kong palaging seryoso si Lush at tila malalim ang iniisip. He seemed so problematic and bothered. And that was unusual. Sa pagkakaalala ko ganito din siya noong nawawala si River. Speaking of River, hanggang ngayon ay wala pa rin akong balita kung nasaan na siya.

Napabuntong hininga ako. Since the incident, my parents did not even bother to visit me or even ask if I was okay. I was not like other teens who became rebel just because they were seeking attention from their parents. Siguro noong bata pa ako ay iniiyakan ko ang kawalan nila ng pakialam sa akin ngunit ngayong malaki na ako ay tanggap ko na. As a human, existing in this cruel world entailed a price we needed to pay. And those prices were the burden we must carry even if our shoulders grew weary. In my case, it was having parents who turned me as marionette and not a daughter.

Pero minsan nakaka-curious din ang pakiramdam ng magkaroon ng mga magulang na mapagmahal. The parents who wouldn't use violence when you did something wrong, instead they would pamper you with guidance and understanding. Iyong mga magulang na bibigyan ka ng oras at atensyon. How did it feel?

I smiled bitterly. That was the question I would never know the answer because all my life, I never experienced it.

Kahit sana isang tawag lang kahit samahan pa nila ng pagmumura ay tatanggapin ko, basta maramdaman ko lang kahit papano na may pakialam sila sa akin kahit kaunti. Wala man lang bang, hello buhay ka pa ba 'nak?

I didn't understand myself. These past few days, I became emotional. Noon naman hindi ko ginagawang big deal ang issue ko sa aking mga magulang. Like okay, they were my parents and they didn't give a damn but still I was fucking fine! Dapat ganoon, e!

I was even acting weird towards Davil. Hindi lang siguro niya napapansin dahil sa naging sagutan namin noon at inakalang dahil ito sa sama ng aking loob. Well, that was partially true dahil hanggang ngayon nanatiling mahirap tibagin ang prinsipyo niya at ni katiting na impormasyon kay Dale ay wala akong nalaman. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko na mabilang kung gaano ka-raming mga what-ifs at theory ang nabuo sa aking utak.

The other reason why I grew aloof when Davil was around because he was making me feel something foreign. Just a simple glance to him and different emotions were triggered so fast. It was different from the emotions I've felt towards Dale. The latter could make me feel the longing, guilt and the unexplained pain, while Davil made me feel the anticipation, fear, insecurity, doubt and happiness.

"Brat..." I just looked at him blankly. I have master the art of pretending that I could skillfully give him the expression which was totally opposite from what I truly felt.

He pursed his lips while staring at me. He kept on twisting it. Biglang bubukas ang kaniyang bibig na parang may gustong sabihin pero agad ding ititikom pagkatapos.

Umalis si Lush ngayon dahil mayroong importanteng aasikasuhin kaya mas lalong naging awkward. Nandito rin naman si Thatum pero wala naman siyang ambag na dialogue. Kakarating niya pa lang ay pa-ekis-ekis na siyang naglakad papunta sa couch at pabagsak na nahiga.

"Brat?"

"What?"

Pinigilan kong mapataas ng kilay nang bahagya siyang ngumuso bago nag-iwas ng tingin. May kung ano-ano pa siyang ibinulong sa kaniyang sarili. Kinagat ko ang labi ko para mapigilan ang paglabas ng aking ngiti. Tanginang mukha 'yan, lakas makapagbigay ng karupukan.