ace rants

Dating?????? and also me just talking about my life :)

So I have a friend that liked my best friend, and I somehow convinced her to like him?? I don't understand how, but I told her all the reasons she should like him, and then she liked him. 

We'll see where that's relevant later, but now continuing... my bf and her (future) boyfriend and me and two other of my friends were hanging out on Wednesday, and we were all teasing them about dating each other because they weren't dating yet, and so naturally they started shipping one of my friends, who we'll call Charlie, and me. He's the one I had a squish on last year who liked puns and mint.

So I REALLy like him but in a strictly platonic way. There are some people who I'm like, "yeah I could probably date them for a bit" but for some reason not him? Part of it is because when you break up with someone after dating them, there's all that awkwardness, and I don't want that with him. 

Anyway, my best friend wants to go ice skating, so obviously I said she should go with her boyfriend, but she wants more people there, so it won't get awkward. I'm totally down for that because it sounds like fun, but Charlie and I would both be there, and ice skating kind of comes with ~dating context~ I guess? I'm not sure how to describe it. Anyway, Charlie and I are both quite well aware that we're shipped together, so it may or may not be kind of awkward.

According to my best friend, he likes me, and her accuracy for guessing this kind of stuff isn't awful, but I just feel like that doesn't really make sense? There were at least ten people at some point last year who liked him, so like why would he choose me? If I do say so myself, I'm very friend-zoneable

HOWEVER on Wednesday, we all walked and got bubble tea, and we ran away from my best friend and her future bf because we're matchmaker wannabes, so then it was me, Charlie, and a kid I'm calling Eyal (he's one of the ones I listed that I thought/hoped might be ace). Charlie and I were sitting on a bench and Eyal was standing facing us, and Eyal said that you can tell if someone likes you because when they look at you, their pupils dilate. 

I'm not sure what I was exactly thinking, but I looked over at Charlie, and then suddenly we were making eye-contact (AKA we both looked at each other's eyes to see). So like???????????

Anyway so yeah that. I'd love to be in a. QPR with him because he's great and all, but out of a lot of people, I'd rather not date him. I think that means I like him more than most people because I don't want to mess up our relationship?

SPEAKING OF FUCKING UP RELATIONSHIPS my current squish came out to me as bi last Sunday, and I was like "yay an opportunity for me to come out to her too!" so I then told her I was ace. And before then, we were super close and texted all the time and stuff, and after that, I feel like she's been more distant. And there's another girl who she seems to be liking more and more, and I'm jealous of that girl, and wow this is the closest I've come to having normal human romance drama.