Today we're defining love as basically two or more reciprocating a shit ton of appreciation and stuff for each other!!
So my big realization of the day is that I am super insecure about finding love. I don't wanna have a standard relationship, but maybe live in an apartment with a certain person I may or may not have a squish on. I have a new squish, btw, but anyway, I she draws a lot, so I'd want to live in an apartment with her and tape her sketches on all the walls and stuff, and just feel completely happy and stuff whenever we were around each other. That's my ideal future at this moment.
You know the whole thing with all my friends dating? I'm terrified all my friends are going to get SOs and leave me, which makes me even more nervous if I don't find love because then I'll always be everyone's second choice.
I had health today, and my teacher was talking about healthy vs. unhealthy relationships, and I was spacing out about how people date and learn from their experiences, and some of the healthy things sounded so amazing, and then part of my brain was just like, "you know this isn't really gonna happen for you?" And that hit like a brick. I feel like asexuals don't exist around me at all, and what if they don't like me, and just this sucks.
In short, I don't think Imma ever find someone that I wanna date and who wants to date me too.
I saw this Love, Simon fan art thing and I found this:
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If you can't read it, it says, "He deserves a great love story too."
And idk I just got like so shook because thats my thoughts over the past few months in a sentence (With different pronouns, but you get the idea).
I wanna go to an AVEN meet up when I'm older to try to find other people who are asexual in real life.
