A Setback Beauty

Kabanata 41: FEELINGS

Feelings.

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LUMIPAS ang araw, linggo at inabot na ng halos isang buwan na hindi nagpakita sa'kin si Kade. Natapos ang Mask Festival at ang Asean Badminton Tournament na hindi namin nakumbinse si Herschel Pistorius. Casa de Gallego has suffered a significant loss, and Star is partly to blame. She still has grudges against the man.

I let out a sigh. If we're still together...I know he will-

"You skipped lunch again, didn't you?"

Natigil ang pag-iisip ko sa boses ni Aina sa'king likuran. Nilingon ko sa kanya at sumalubong sa'kin ang mukha niyang hindi maipinta.

"I thought you were going to Vejarnette today. Bakit nandito ka?" I asked back, ignoring what she said.

"I postponed it because I'm worried about you."

I furrowed my brows.

"I'm worried about you because you're isolating yourself from people around you. Lumalayo na ang loob mo sa mga empleyado mo, even in your own sister."

I just sighed heavily.

"Alam mo, CC...hindi na talaga kita maintindihan. Hindi ba't ito naman ang gusto mo? Ang layuan ka niya? Anong ini-emote-emote mo diyan ngayon?"

Blanko ko lang siyang tiningnan. Tumayo ako sa swivel chair at tumalikod sa kanya. I stood in front of a closed glass window and tried to look outside, but the view was hazy. The rain continues to pour outside na para bang nakiki-simpatya 'to sa nararamdaman ko.

I placed my palm over my chest as I felt the deep sorrow inside me. Even though I tried to ignore it, I couldn't help but feel the emptiness inside me. Na parang laging may kulang. Na parang lagi akong may hinihintay na hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa dumarating...

"Ains... tama naman ang ginawa ko hindi ba?"

She sighed exasperatedly. "Honestly, I don't know either."

I glanced at her reflection in the glass wall. "I missed him."

"Sino sa dalawa? Si K o si J?"

"S-Si Kade..."

Ains scoffed at me. "Wow ha! May gana ka pang sabihin 'yan pagkatapos mong itulak palayo 'yong tao."

"Ains...naman..." bahagyang ngiwi ko. "I need someone I can talk to, someone who can make me feel better. Huwag mo naman akong pagalitan."

"No CC, I have to do this because I really don't know what's going on in your smart brain. You pushed him away because you realized you still loved Jiro, and now you're telling me you miss HIM? Yong totoo, Calleiah Clarity? Naglolokohan ba tayo rito?"

I swallowed at agad na naramdaman ang pananakit ng lalamunan ko.

"I know you may feel hurt, you may think I'm disregarding your feelings but I have to tell you this, and you need to realize it! You're confused by your love for your ex! Nakokonsensya ka pa rin sa nangyari sa kanya kaya hanggang ngayon ay pinipilit mo pa rin ang sarili mong maniwala na mahal mo pa siya-"

"Ains." I called her, but she didn't listen to me.

"For Pete's sake, CC! Sabihin na nating he was once a big part of your life bali-baligtarin man ang mundo, na mahal na mahal mo siya noon, pero pitong taon nang patay ang tao! Hindi na siya babalik! Memories na lang ang meron ka sa kanya. Kahit anong pilit pa ang gawin mo... hindi mo na siya maibabalik kasalanan mo man o hindi! Mag-move on ka. Utang na loob palayain mo na ang sarili mo. Tama na. Patawarin mo naman na ang sarili mo."

Mabilis kong pinalis ang tumulong luha sa pisngi ko.

"Umiiyak ka ba?" Aina asked with a concerned tone.