Thank You

Ch. 95 The Forgotten

!TW!
So they played a few more shows and wrapped up the tour, Billie, Adrienne, Mike, Tre, Anna, Celia, and Ella spent the rest of the summer having fun and having a good time, hell even Scott got a house of his own in California, like 10 mins away from Billie and Adrienne, so Celia headed back to Wisconsin at the end of the summer, which of course bummed Anna out, and Celia sure did leave at a good time, because at least a couple weeks after she left the entire world was hit with a global pandemic, the corona virus or covid-19, it was deadly and spread at the speed of sound, all over the US schools, businesses, and everything was shut down and Ella was supposed to be back in Kentucky, but because of the corona virus it didnt look like that was gonna happen anytime soon, so it looks like she was stuck in California, but no one was complaining. States were shut down and issued stay at home orders, it was crazy and scary, being stuck in quarantine, not being able to live life, it took a toll on everyone and everything. Anna's mental health took a bad turn, mainly because of quarantine, she tired to keep it as best she could, she would be up at 4am silently crying her eyes out, with thoughs of relapsing going through her mind, but she didn't, almost every night, she couldn't skate or go out, which didn't help at all. One day Anna couldn't take it anymore and was having such bad thoughts, she grabbed her pocket knife and just stared at it and was silently crying her eyes out and she flipped open the blade and held out her arm and put the blade on her skin and dragged it across and a long, thin red line of blood appeared and she immediately regret it and brought her knees up to her chest, burried her head in knees and gripped her hair and immediately started silently crying again and she heard the door open a little, and she looked up and saw Ella standing there in tears, she knew she messed up, then she burried her head in knees again and Ella had ran down stairs and went and got Billie and Adrienne and they ran upstairs and the sight they saw was Anna, gripping her hair, her head burried in her knees, her pocket knife with blood on it and her arm, bleeding and Billie immediately rushed over to her and grabbed her pocket knife and threw it away from her and hugged her and Adrienne was standing there in tears, hugging Ella and Billie had tears in his eyes and he just hugged her and Anna spoke
"I'm sorry"she said in a small whisper and Billie spoke
"It's okay Youngblood"and Adrienne went and knelt down by them, in tears and gave Anna a hug and Anna was just crying and spoke
"I'm sorry" and Adrienne spoke
"You have nothing to be sorry about Youngblood, it's okay"and then Ella came over and gave her a hug and Anna spoke
"I'm sorry Ella Bella that you had to see that, I'm sorry" and Ella was in tears and spoke
"It's okay" so Billie went and got stuff to clean up Anna's arm and went and sat back down by them and cleaned up and bandaged her arm and she sat there and ran her hand through her hair and spoke
"I'm fucked up" she said laughing a little, with tears still rolling down her face, so once she calmed down, she got up and spoke
"Fuck, I need a smoke"and she headed downstairs and went outside and this kind of concerned Ella and Adrienne and Billie told them that he would handle it, so he went outside by Anna, who was sitting on the ground with a smoke in her hand and he sat down next to her and spoke
"Youngblood, what do you mean when you say that you're fucked up" and she spoke
"Well, I never fully told you guys the issues that both sides of my family have, on my mom's side there is depression, anxiety, bipolar, PMDD, ADHD/ADD, addiction issuses, like smoking and drinking and on my dad's side there is addiction issues, my mom had depression, anxiety, bipolar, PMDD, ADHD/ADD, insomnia/sleep issues, self-destructive issuses, and was a smoker, her parents were both functioning alcoholics and smokers and she got the smoking end and my aunt got the drinking end, my dad has some mental health issues but I don't know what and is a smoker, his parents were smokers and one was a drinker, he just got the smoking, so I am chemically, gentically bound to be screwed up, I have depression, anxiety, insomnia/sleep issues, self-destructive tendencies, and I smoke" and Billie grabbed the pack of cigarettes that were on the ground and took out a cigarette and Anna tossed him her lighter and he lit up a smoke and spoke
"Y'know Youngblood I struggle with everything you have and one other thing, I was a functioning alcoholic, black out drinker, but I got better, I still have depressive episodes, have anxiety, insomnia, my self-destructive tendencies aren't as bad and I will still have a smoke with you, but it all depends on if you want to get help or not, I mean I got help but slowly slipped back into some of my habits, just way less worse and it's okay to not be okay and me, 80, Mike, Tre, and Ella will always be here for you" and Anna spoke
"I want to get help but the thing is my self-destructive tendencies, insomnia/sleep issues, anxiety, and depression are all I've ever known, some of it helps make up who I am in a way and anything besides that sounds so weird"
"I get it Youngblood, but I mean after you get help, we can just be slightly fucked up together" Billie said smiling a little and Anna spoke
"After watching a good hand full of people on my mom's side be functioning alcoholics and especially watching my grandma and living with a functioning alcoholic for years I thought that they could never get better and I told myself that no matter what I was not gonna end up like that, but then I realized they can get better, you're fucking proof of that and I was like wow my idol was once the same thing I despised, but you got better and are happy and healthy, bitch wouldn't have had the thought of getting help in a million years" and Billie just listening and then spoke
"I'd get help before I turned anyone I love against me and you will never have to see me fucked up, I promise you that" he said smiling
"Yeah, just one thing you have to promise me" Anna said looking at Billie
"Don't fucking 5150 me, it's my worst fucking fear" and Billie spoke
"Don't worry Youngblood, I would never do that to you, and lemme see your arm once" and he gave her bandaged arm a kiss and spoke
"Me, 80, Mike,Tre, and Ella are gonna help you through whatever fucked up demons you have and me and 80 will find a good therapist for you so you get good help and say fuck those demons and make sure you are some what mentally stable, but I mean who is anyway" he said laughing a little, smiling and Anna just gave him a hug and spoke
"Y'know if it wasn't for you and the guys I probably would't even be here right now" and Billie spoke
"Well I'm glad you found us Youngblood" and they let go and Anna spoke
"I have this thing called depression logic where before I met you guys I couldn't legally drink or smoke, so I turned to self-harm, but since I smoke now I just want to get fucked up and be numb, because of my stupid self-destructive tendencies, but I never want Ella to see me like that in any way, shape, or form ever again, she's probably fucking mortified by what  just happened" and Anna felt really shitty about that Ella saw her like that and Billie spoke
"Can I ask why you did it Youngblood" and Anna just sighed and spoke
"I kept having the image of me dragging my pocket knife across my arm and bleeding and it just wouldn't go away and god damn do I hate my fucking genetic or chemical make up, thanks for the fucked up Southern chemical inbalance mom, I know the background behind it though"
"How bad" Billie said, sighing
"Well my great great grandma in Kentucky was so psychaotic that she had five kids, she killed three of them and she didn't kill my great grandpa because he was asleep on his brothers back and he looked like an angel to her, so she didn't kill him" and Billie was not expecting that
"Damn, I got nothing for that" he said in shock
"Yeah" and he just gave her a hug and spoke
"It'll be okay Youngblood, I love you" and she had tears in her eyes
"Love you too Billo, I'm sorry"
"You have nothing to be sorry about Youngblood, you're gonna get better" and he gave her a hug and she spoke
"Y'know the fucked up thing is that I am chemically made up to have issues and I can't help it and it fucking hurts, it's half and half, half of it is my chemical inbalance to have issues and the other half is my parents fault" and she laughed with tears in her eyes "when I wasn't okay back when I was 13 once I got better on my own, since my mom didn't want to put up with it, I asked her why I am the way that I am and she told me it was her and my dad's fault and I asked her way she ever wanted me around and she told me that if it wasn't for me being born, both her and my dad literally wouldn't fucking be here and I immediately took back every single bad thing I ever said about myself and because I fought for my fucking life when I was born and I got that second chance and yet I fucking do this, I've been up until 4am crying my eyes out contemplating this" she said holding up her bandaged arm " and I hate the sleepless nights and just everything and when I'm up that late, I'm thinking of every possible reason of why I shouldn't, but I did. I've realized the fuck up that my parents have made and that they weren't perfect parents, my mom was far from it and well now fucking look at it, my mom killed herself because I wasn't around, she did care she just had a funny way of showing it, my dad his whole life people thought he was gonna end up dead or in jail and he came out the other end of the hell hole he came from and got his life together and achieved his dreams that he thought would never come true and what do they have to show for it, a broken, punk, screw up, or whatever the hell else, what do I have to show for" and she just sat there feeling worthless and Billie spoke
"Youngblood you may be broken, a punk, a screw up but I mean so is a good amount of the population, I'm broken, I battle with addiction issues, I have insomnia, crippling anxiety, suffer from panic attacks, I'm a punk, a screw up, I mean I'm a high school drop out, everyone is broken in some way, everyone is a screw up in some way and being a punk is awesome, but you were just told that being punk was bad you're whole life, then you said fuck you to every person who ever told you that and became won and plus they were too god damn stupid to realize that you have been living the punk lifestyle your whole life, you are so kick ass, talented, you're a pro skater, in a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inducted band, you're so fucking creative the stuff you draw, paint, or whatever and you have such a creative mindset, you have street smarts and book smarts, I'm not telling you to believe that you are smart, I'm telling you to believe that you are worth it, you always have been, that you deserve to be completely happy, you are one of the kindest people I've ever met, you put everyone you care about and love first, before your own health and well being, you are awesome Youngblood and you may be broken, a punk, or a screw up, but that makes you part of who you are, all of the imperfections in a good way can make up who someone is when they imbrace them, if that makes sense" and Anna just sat there with tears in her eyes and nodded and spoke
"I yet am insecure and ashamed of my scars, they are reminders but yet I think they are beautiful and proud of them in a way and it hurts, my top sugery scars make me feel comfortable in my body but yet remind me that I'm not completely the same gender I was born with and I feel bad about that I'm not the same gender that I was born with and I don't know why, the scars on my wrist remind me about when I haven't been okay but also remind me that I've survived through shit" and Billie just wrapped his arm around her, sighed, and spoke
"I know Youngblood, it's okay, that's how it is with all scars, those feels never really go away, they just lessen, it'll be okay" and Anna just had tears rolling down her face
"Fuck" she breathed out and then took a drag of her cigarette, then spoke
"Y'know how much I fucking love you guys, you, 80, Ella, Mike, and Tre, I swear I never want to do anything to ever hurt you guys, you guys are my fucking family, through thick and thin, I've finally gotten the true sense of family that I never fucking got and I'm so fucking grateful for that, but yet I deal with self-harm and I know when one of us is hurting, then we all hurt, and I don't want to hurt anyone" and Billie spoke
"I know Youngblood, I know, it's okay and I know with this quarantine it's not helping, not being able to skate, no concerts, no going to music of skate shops, no Pride Fest, I know it sucks, but hey we can have fun and get you help, I love you Youngblood" and Anna just leaned against him
"I love you too, Billo" she said with tears still rolling down her face
"Tell ya what, on your 18th birthday I'm taking you to get your first tattoo and you can slowly cover up your scars" and she just gave him a hug and a smoke or two later, Billie spoke
"C'mon Youngblood, let's go make sure 80 and Ella know you're good" so they got up off the ground and headed back inside and Ella immediately ran over and hugged Anna and Anna hugged her for dear life, kissed the top of her head, and spoke
"It's okay, I'm gonna be okay" and she could feel Ella cry a little bit
"C'mon" and Anna grabbed Ella's hand and they headed upstairs and Anna grabbed her Rev Rad hoodie and put it on, then they headed back downstairs and went in the living room and sat on the couch and Anna turned on the TV, went to YouTube and turned on some live shows of her and the guys and her and Ella just watched them and laughed, smiled, stuff like that and Anna was sitting up and Ella was laying down with her head resting on Anna's lap. In the kitchen, Billie and Adrienne were talking and Billie was telling her what Anna had told him and they were looking online to find therapists and picked out a few that they thought Anna would like and they let her read about them later and stuff and Billie walked in the living room by Anna and Ella and smiled and laughed a little at them and Anna spoke
"What" and Billie spoke
"Nothing, you guys are just cute and I'm going to get you some melatonin so you can sleep, want anything else"
"Um some smokes", and she looked down at Ella, "Ella, you want anything" and Ella spoke
"I want breakfast" and Billie and Anna just laughed and Anna spoke
"Dork", and she looked at Billie, "wear a mask when you go out" and he spoke
"Don't worry Youngblood, I already got that covered" and he went and grabbed something and walked back in the room with a black face mask with skulls on it and Anna spoke
"Nice" and Billie left and Adrienne came over by them and sat down and gave Anna a hug and spoke
"Love you Youngblood" and Anna smiled and spoke
"Love you too, 80" she said smiling and they just relaxed, watched live shows, and listened to music, then Billie came back home and walked back in the living room by them and smiled at them and handed Anna two packs of smokes and some candy and just smiled at her and she spoke
"Thanks Billo" she said smiling and he spoke
"I already disinfected them for you" and Anna just laughed a little and spoke
"Yeah if one of us gets corona we're fucked" and she lifted Ella off of her and got up and spoke
"It's nice out, but we're in quarantine" and Billie spoke
"I was thinking about some stuff we could do during quarantine, so we aren't dying of boredom, skate wise, we could build a mini ramp in the backyard so we can skate and so you don't lose your mind and music wise we could do covers and stuff" and Anna's eyes lit up at the words 'mini ramp' and she spoke
"How are we gonna build a mini ramp" she said laughing a little
"We can just face time Stacy, plus I'd been thinking about this for a while, so I already talked to him about it, so we're good and he knows you gotta skate and it'll be something good to do to keep us busy" he said smiling and Anna smiled a little and spoke
"Well what are we gonna do music wise" and Billie spoke
"Well I was thinking that every once or twice a week we could cover a song and have fun with it, it could be called 'No Fun Mondays'" and Anna spoke
"Okay that's just awesome" and Adrienne spoke
"Look on the bright side of quarantine, you have time to do whatever you never had time to do, draw your ass off, teach yourself another language, write songs" and Anna started signing and Billie, Adrienne, and Ella were shocked and Billie spoke
"Since when do you know sign language, Youngblood" and she spoke
"I was bored so I taught myself the sign language alphabet, say something and I can spell it out" and Ella spoke
"Spell Billie's full name"
"Okay" and she signed out every letter and Billie spoke
"Damn Youngblood and that's long"and she just shrugged her shoulders, and Anna taught them the sign language that she knew and then spoke
"So when I don't really feel like talking then I can just ssign some stuff" and Ella hugged her. So quarantine went on, Billie and Anna built a mini ramp, with the help of Stacy of course, everyone look forward to No Fun Mondays every week, they covered 'I Think We're Alone', 'You Can't Put Your Arms Around a Memory', 'Manic Monday', 'Corpus Christi', 'That Thing You Do', 'War Stories', 'Amico' and for Amico, Billie taught Anna some Italian, since it was an Italian song, so then she just started teaching herself Italian, because it seemed cool and she was bored, then they covered 'Kids in America' and they covered that on Mike's birthday actually, of course they wished him a happy birthday, just not in person, then they covered 'Not That Way Anymore', Billie has been on virtual concerts, the Late Late Show with James Gordon, and Jimmy Fallon at Home Edition, so it's been and actually productive quarantine, Anna got a good therapist and at least got five hours of sleep every night, and may or may not have dyed her hair again and was blonde for a day actually, there were a lot of late night drives, and of course Anna loved skating the mini ramp with Ella and helped her get better at skating and stuff, also Ella's mom's fate about her DWI was up in the air, wether she would do some time or not, but hey hearing that made Ella happy, even though that sounds a little screwed up, so they were doing some spring cleaning and some gardening and Billie was in the house, going through stuff, and looking through old pictures with Anna and he spoke
"Youngblood wanna see some old pictures of 80" he said with that goofy smile on his face and Anna spoke
"You know it" and Billie showed her pictures of Adrienne of when she was younger and Anna was stunned and spoke
"Why and how the hell is she so damn gorgeous, like what the fuck is anyone even allowed to be that beautiful" and Billie just laughed a little and was smiling his ass off and spoke
"I don't know Youngblood, go ask her that and she is still beautiful as always"
"Of course she is, she is Adrienne Armstrong for god sakes" and Billie was just laughing and smiling
"And wait a god damn minute, she had short blonde hair at one point" Anna said in shock
"Yeah, she's had different hair styles and colors through the years" Billie said, still smiling his ass off and Anna spoke
"Bottom line, she is just gorgeous, fabulous, and awesome" she said smiling
"Agreed" Billie said with that goofy smile on his face and Anna grabbed one or two old pictures of Adrienne and started walking outside and Billie spoke
"Where ya going Youngblood" and Anna spoke
"To go ask her" and Billie just started laughing, so Anna went outside by Adrienne and Ella, who were gardening and making the yard look nice and Anna walked over by Adrienne and spoke
"80, I gotta question" and Adrienne spoke
"Ok, what's up Youngblood"
"Why and how the hell are you so damn gorgeous" she said holding up the pictures for her to see and Adrienne just laughed and spoke
"I don't know and thank you Youngblood" she said giving Anna a hug and Anna spoke
"Bottom line you are gorgeous, fabulous, and awesome" and Adrienne spoke
"Aw, thank you Youngblood and so are you"
"Me and Billie were going through stuff and asked if I wanted to see some old pictures of you and of course I did, and I was like, why and how the hell is she so damn gorgeous, like what the fuck is anyone even allowed to be that beautiful and Billie said that he didn't know and told me to ask you, so I did, even though he didn't mean it literally" and Adrienne just laughed and spoke
"You dorks, I love you" and Anna gave her a hug
"Love you too, 80" and they let go and Anna spoke
"Ella, wanna see 80 when she was younger" and Ella walked over by them and spoke
"Sure" so Anna showed her the pictures and Ella spoke
"Wow, that was you when you were younger" she said looking up at Adrienne
"Yep" Adrienne said smiling
"You were so beautiful back then and still are now, stunning" Ella said smiling and Adrienne just smiled at them and Anna spoke
"I'm not gonna lie, but if I was your age back then and you liked girls, I would have so dated you, don't tell Billie I said that" and Adrienne just laughed and spoke
"Well, I'm flattered Youngblood and you know I'm so gonna tell him that" and Anna just started laughing, she knew it was fine and that she was just messing around, so Anna went back in the house by Billie and gave him the pictures back and he spoke
"Well, what did she say" and Anna spoke
"She said that she doesn't know and thank you" and Billie just laughed a little, so after some good spring cleaning and yard work everyone just relaxed on the couch and watched movies the rest of the day and Adrienne spoke
"Youngblood said that if they were my age in those photos back then and if I liked girls that they so would have dated me" and Billie  was laughing and spoke
"Well Youngblood I don't blame you" and he gave her a kiss and then Anna spoke
"You guys are adorable and couple goals, but my gay eyes" and Billie and Adrienne just laughed and it was all together a pretty good, laid back day. So Mother's Day was right around the corner and it was going to be a tough day for both Anna and Ella, but Anna sees Adrienne as a mom almost and Anna knows that Adrienne has treated Ella better then her own mom, so Billie, Anna, and Ella all sat down and came up with ideas of what to do for Adrienne on Mother's Day and they came up with some good ones, that were really sweet. So fast forward to Mother's Day, Billie, Anna and Ella woke up early, got some caffeine in them, then made some breakfast for themselves and ate, then made breakfast for Adrienne, so then Billie went and woke Adrienne up and Anna and Ella brought her breakfast in bed and spoke
"Happy Mother's Day" and Adrienne spoke
"Aw, thank you guys" and Billie spoke
"Once you finish that, Youngblood and Ella have more surprises for you" so they left Adrienne to enjoy her breakfast and got her other surprises ready, did they make a slideshow, yes, yes they did so they got that pulled up on the TV and a little bit later Adrienne came in the living room and sat down and Anna grabbed the remote and pushed play and the slideshow was a bunch of pictures and little videos of Adrienne, Anna, Ella, Billie, and in some of them, the guys, having fun and being dorks and the end slide said 'Happy Mother's Day' and Adrienne spoke
"That was awesome"and then Anna and Ella got up and went and grabbed something and Ella came back holding a bunch of flowers and Anna was holding a shadow box with fairy lights in it and all different polaroids in it and they gave them to her and she spoke
"That's so cool and so sweet" and she set them down and gave them hugs and spoke
"Thank you for that awesome Mother's Day gifts" and Anna spoke
"Of course 80, you're like a mom to me, you are always there for me, care about me, and support me in everything" and Ella spoke
"You treat me better then my own mom, because of you I now have a better idea of what having a good mom is like, I don't get in trouble for everything here, no one gets drunk and doesn't care about me, I have people to actually stand up for me and not having to always stand up for myself, no one is putting their boyfriends before their own kids, I don't have to be scared of telling people how I feel or anything, and I actually feel loved and cared for here" and Anna hugged her cousin and Billie and Adrienne never knew about Ella's home life with her mom and Adrienne hugged her and when they let go she spoke
"I will never try to replace either of your moms, but I will always be there for you, care about you, love you, and support you" she said smiling and they both sat down next to her and Ella really opened up to them and allowed both Billie and Adrienne to call her 'Ella Bella' as a nickname, which she only lets people really close to her call her that, Ella had only opened up to Anna before because she knew that she wasn't going to get in trouble and that Anna wasn't going to tell anyone anything and it was a relief for her to finally tell people stuff and not be scared to and they just sat and talked for hours, Ella opening up, Anna explaining stuff to her, and Billie, Adrienne, and Anna telling Ella stories about the wild ride it's been since Anna showed up, they literally talked for hours and it was still a tough day for both Anna and Ella and Anna spoke
"Hell, my mom killed herself and Ella's mom is a bad parent, facing time, and I can't remember the last good Mother's Day I had with my mom, but this is the best one by far" and sure there were a few tears here and there, but it was a deep, long conversation, which are the best, and both Billie and Adrienne called their moms of course to wish them a Happy Mother's Day and while Billie was on the phone with his mom, Anna spoke
"Tell her I wish her a Happy Mother's Day too" and he gave her a thumbs up
"Youngblood wishes you a Happy Mother's Day too, mom" so since it was a tough day for both Ella and Anna, they spent the rest of the day doing the stuff they love and Anna spoke
"I got one more surprise for you, come outside with me" so Billie, Adrienne, and Ella followed her outside and Anna pulled out her phone and gave it Billie to record and then got up on the mini ramp with her board and spoke
"After this I'm calling up Stacy and telling him I invented a new trick" so she dropped in and then a few seconds later, busted out her new trick, then spoke
"I call that the '80'" and Adrienne spoke
"You named a new trick after me Youngblood" and Anna spoke
"Yep, Happy Mother's Day" so she hopped down and grabbed her phone from Billie and sent Stacy the video and called him up and told him about the new trick and he was thrilled about it, so it was a pretty good Mother's Day, the best Anna and Ella have had in a while at least, and an eventful quarantine so far.