The only Kiwi I'm not allergic to.

31

AMY:

I stood by the edge of the water and stared out. I tried to listen to what Harrison was saying. I tried to be brave, I fought my stupid thoughts. I yelled at myself in my head asking myself why I was I so afraid? What was I afraid of? Slowly Harrison's talks became a background noise to my loud thoughts. The memory of me sinking to the bottom of the dark ocean surfaced. I tried to shake my head as if it would take away the cloud over my head. 

It didn't work. 

So I slowly took one step back and dropped the board I was holding back on the sand. Funny how one little experience can change you so much, so fast.

Harrison looked at me "Amy? You okay?"

"Mhhm ... I .... I just need time... I can't ... Harrison ... help me." I begged as I broke down into tears, my knees hit the sand. 

He sat down beside me and held my hands. "Honey ... okay ... okay. Calm down. Okay here is an idea. Lets... walk in the water together first. I'll be there with you every second of it. Okay. Just calm down and block any thought of that day. Okay babe." he said nodding to me.

I nodded and held his hand tighter. I took a deep breath in and nodded again. He leaned towards me and put his forehead on mine. "You'll be okay. I promise you." he whispered and pecked me on the lips.

We got up from the soft sand. He held my hand and smiled at me. The cool water washed over my toes making me wiggle them and smile. I always liked the feeling of water rushing between my toes.

"Heeeyyy there's that smile I love." he said. I smiled at him and started walking in the ocean. The waves crashed at my knees. I stopped walking and let my feet sink in the wet sand under the water surface. He turned and looked at me with worry written all over his face. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yup" I said with a big smile.

We walked to where the water was to my chest and his mid torso. I faced him and smiled again. I did it. I walked in the water. I was proud and happy. I could feel my eyes shining. Is that even possible? I have no idea.

"Ready to swim?" I asked.

"You sure?"

"Are you kidding me? It's now or never." I said with a little laugh and dived under the approaching waves.

I let the water rush through my hair. I can't believe I'm actually doing this. Sure enough that Harrison was right beside me, I felt safe. It all changed when I turned around underwater only to find myself alone underwater. I felt my heart sink and my chest felt heavy. I swam up to the surface as fast as I could. I opened my mouth letting the oxygen and salty water in, which made me cough.

When you're in the ocean especially in a place like Bondi where the waves are constant and quite large actually, you have to know when to come up to the water's surface. If you chose the wrong moment you'll be pushed under by the following set. Which was exactly what I did in my moment of anxiety and fear. As soon as I took in some oxygen I was pushed under again.

I could feel my lungs burning, they were tired. But I couldn't let myself to give up. Not again. I swam up again. I opened my mouth taking in as much air as I possibly could. Suddenly I felt a pair of hands around my waist and I was pulled up. "It's okay... it's okay... I got you... calm down." they kept saying.

My heart kept beating fast. I put the back of my head on their shoulder and kept my head up.

"You're okay. I'm right here." He whispered in my ear.

"Harrison?" I whispered.

"Yes. yes. Just breathe babe. Just breath." he kept saying.

A few seconds later Jethro showed up with a lifeguard board and pulled the two of us up.

"Is she okay?" he asked, stressed.

"yes"

I stayed silent, trying so hard not to cry. I laid on my belly as Jeff paddled in.

As soon as we hit the sand, I got off the board and walked away. As I was walking away from Huts and Jeff I felt my heart weighing me down. I held my chest and fell on my knees breaking into pieces. I let the tears fall. I cried... I simply cried because I was tired. I was tired of being like this.

"Amy, Amy. Amy" I heard Harrison run towards me, kneeling down beside me and holding me in his arms rocking me from side to side. I couldn't stop crying.

"Talk to me, talk to me Amy." he said.

"I cant... I can't do this anymore.... I can't be terrified of water." I said between the sobs.

"I can't go to the shower and not feel like I'm drowning and dying. I can't lose this job." I sobbed in his arms.

"Shhhh it's okay." he said.

" No Harrison, it's not okay. I can not lose this job. I lose this and I lose everything. Anything good I have left in my life right now is this job and you. And..." I choked on my words.

"It's okay.... Hey look at me.... It's okay. We are going to get you to therapy and you'll be fine. I'll help you. I will do anything I can to help you. Okay?" he said brushing my wet hair out of my face.

I let out a shaky breath and nodded. "Okay"

"Okay." he smiled and wiped my tears.

I raised my head only to see Hoppo and most of my colleagues staring at me in horror. Hoppo walked towards us and knelled down beside us. "Amy..." he said.

"Please don't fire me." I cried again.

"Oh no no I'm not gonna fire you love," he said looking at me and reaching over to hold my hand.

I looked at him and nodded. "Thank you." I whispered.

"That's okay. Now I will be making an appointment with one of my friends for you. She is a psychologist and she can hopefully help you. Until you are better you can work in the tower. Okay?" he said with a kind smile.

After a little while of me sitting in Hoppo's office with him and Harrison, we drove home.

Harrison decided to stay the night with me. And by decide I mean I sorta made him... when I cried during the drive home about not wanting to be alone.

At home we just spent all of the afternoon in bed, talking, and watching random things on YouTube.

It was about 9:30 P.M. when Hoppo called to inform us about the appointment he made for me to talk to a physiologist.

When I hung up Harrison looked at me and said, "so... what did he say?"

"He said he made an appointment for me." told him as I dropped down beside him, putting my head on his chest taking in his warmth. He pulled me closer.

"Yea? When?"

I took a breath in and let it out. "Tomorrow. Morning. At 10."

"Okay. I'll come with you." he said.

"Okay... Harrison?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry." i said

"Why?" he asked, pulling his body up to look at me. I moved to face him.

"Because I screwed up. Because I'm scared. Because I'm a bad lifeguard." I said. I felt my throat become sore again. I felt my heart become heavier. My eyes teared again.

"What? No. you're not a screw up. You are not weak. And most importantly you are not a bad lifeguard babe. You put your own life in danger to save someone else's life. And to do that it makes you a damn brave lifeguard. Don't ever say you're a bad one because it's not true." he told me. 

I stayed silent for a few seconds just letting a few tears run down my face. He reached over and wiped them off. "Okay?" he asked.

"Okay" I whispered and forced a smile on my lips.

"Okay now how about I show you the old show whippet was in" he said cracking up.

"The what?

"Yea he was a child star." he said laughing as he searched up the show online.

The rest of the night we spent watching the show that child whippet was in.