Adventures, Memories, and Everything in Between

i didnt know i was capable of feeling so many emotions at once

im so fucking sick and tired of missing you.
you destroyed me.
i know it was my fault too, but you
made it clear that you weren't happy
with "no".

and i let my insecurities get the best of me,
telling me that you only stuck around for one thing.

the thing is, though, i think they were right.

that really sucks.

...

you know, i'm still not sure if i want to come back to you or not in the future.
i have some fixing to do with myself and my family first.
and i also have enough respect for your parents to leave you alone, even though every fiber of my being screams your name. as for respect for you, i've lost a lot of it. but that doesn't mean i stopped loving you. to be honest though, i wish i could. i want to stop loving you, because we hurt each other real bad. the best part is, i tried to say no. i tried to tell you that it was a bad idea. i tried to tell you that if you loved me, you'd respect my wishes. and you didn't. fuck dude, i just want to blame you for everything. but i also blame myself for everything. but i also blame my dad, and i don't even know why. everything is his fault. basically though, this is all bullshit and you had no right to go and break my heart like that. and yea, i know i had no right to do what i did either, and im not perfect. this is my fault too. but like come on. were we really gonna work anyway? you were going off to college and you were destined to meet some girl and forget about me. and even if you didn't, college life is stressful and you wouldn't ever text or call me anyway. it would be Atlanta all over again and then we would break up because i would be sick of being ignored. so we were bound to crash and burn, i was just trying to postpone it because i knew i wasn't ready, and never would be. regardless, you aren't ever going to read this. so whatever. fuck you. but i love you. but don't think that means i wanna be with you cuz right now i don't. maybe later but i would need to do hella soul searching first. im shaving my head and dying it green like i said i would. its my post-you mental breakdown. and im evolving into someone entirely new. someone you might never get to meet, which breaks my heart in a new way, but also kinda heals me and gives me hope. i just hope you end up okay. with or without me. i hope you aren't sad for too long, i'm really not someone who is important enough to missed all that much. so just try to forget about me, at least until i return.

if i return.