Adventures, Memories, and Everything in Between

ink puddles (depression is like a lover)

i want to lie down in a freezer.
i want to feel my tears solidify on my cheeks.
i want them to solidify in my eyes.
maybe then they will stop falling.

or maybe i should just take my eyes out.
you cant cry if you don't have eyes, probably.

ill just have gaping holes
that waterfall ink for tears,

i havent felt warm in a long time.
at this point,
i wanna embrace the cold, and welcome him in.
he will be staying awhile.

he will be my lover while you're away.

he can wrap up around me and
slip his fingers through my hair
and slice down my spine with icicle hands,
a little uncomfortable, but at least
im not alone.

i will go on secret dates with him,
that only occur when im asleep.
he will take me to fancy restaurants in my dreams
and stalk me while im awake.

ill let him kiss any evidence of sadness from my cheeks
and ill see the black stain his mouth.
ill stay still when i see how he laughs
when i shiver,
he will love how he tortures me,
and ill pull on
every blanket, jacket, hoodie,
pair of fuzzy socks and pants
and he will pretend to feel sorry for me
but he knows that he is the one doing this to me,
and by god will he enjoy
every last drop of my misery.

he will follow me and
with my every smile
with my every laugh
he will slip his hand onto my shoulder
reminding me that you are gone
and i dont deserve to be happy anyways.

after everyone that i have damaged,
a smile should be the last thing on my lips,
with the first being an apology,
and the second being you,
i will let him follow me around
and control me and abuse me because
he is going to anyways,
so i may as well be friendly with him,
ya know?

just be glad you aren't here to see me
falling apart like this.

im a mess.

there are ink puddles that appear wherever i go.

if you squint, you can just faintly see
his hands around my throat.

AN: yall better appreciate that art it took a while to make