Adventures, Memories, and Everything in Between

blue, red and ____

i was blue.

cool and smooth.
the feeling of calm,
the feeling of sorrow,
the feeling of drowning or
the feeling of breathing,
the feeling of healing and
dying again,
something you need,
but too much may kill you.

i was relaxation and rage and
feeling and numbness, and
brokenness and learning to heal

i was blue   

and

He was red.

hot and flickering.
the feeling of endless energy,
the feeling of rage,
the feeling of burning and
the feeling of power,
the feeling of coughing up ashes and
smoke filtering through chapped lips
and smiling, metal teeth,
something you crave,
but too much may kill you.

He was adrenaline and blushing
crashing and burning and
living and loving again,

He was red

and we we danced so gracefully and
magma raged when we breathed
into each other's lungs and

steam screamed at
the touch of our fingertips as we

glided along the riverside and
for once in my life
the burning didn't hurt,
it was intriguing

He didn't hurt me.
we extinguished each
other enough to
stay at bay and

he, the wall of flames guards me, the lake
that gives him life,

guards it from those who wish
to drain it for themselves,
or just out of cruelty.

we are balanced and lovely.
so goddamned lovely.

the  lapping waves cool and temper
the fire that wishes to forge great wonders
but loses control and loses himself
in the blurred lines between reality and
his wildest dreams

sometimes  we let the other
wreak havoc
when it is needed,
to put someone in their place or to
just let out the storms that swirled in
our veins and clawed at our insides
begging to be set free.

we are silent and screaming,
we are the eye of the fucking hurricane where everything  is silent  but around you
the world is torn into pieces,

but i really dont mind.

destruction can be beautiful,

and it was so exhilarating to see

destruction used as something
wonderful rather than

something that was used to tear me apart,

like ____ always did.

____ tore me apart.

in fact, ____ killed me,
looked at their own hands and licked
my blood off of each other's fingers
and smiled with red teeth
and then showed my hollow corpse to the world
and told them all
(and me)
how beautiful i was
and then peeled away at my skin and
fed me lies and deceit
and betrayal until
i stopped
coming back to
life

but i've learned that it doesn't really matter
anymore

and i've learned that people

and things, and ways

can change

even if ____ don't

He helps me breathe a little
easier
every day and
when i get lost in pools of sweat
and tears and shaking so hard
that i can't think
He doesn't leave or think
im crazy.

He brings me back down to Earth
He hold me and kisses my
cold forehead until i can see again,
until i can stand again
until i regain some color
until i begin to bubble and steam
and i focus on Him and i remember
that He is all i have
and all i need
and all is well.

he doesn't understand,
but he tries.

so i trust Him with all i've got

because really

if i don't,
who knows what tomorrow will look like.

probably wont have a sun
or a moon
or a sky
or anything.

just ground and where i stand
or where i don't, maybe
its where i float but
that's kinda scary so...

hell,
what have i got to lose?

...

alright.
its okay.
just look at me.
focus on my eyes.
breathe.
breathe with me.
you're okay.
im here.

im here.

im here.

im here.

im here.

im here.

...

hello?

im sorry.

im back.

heh, didn't mean to scare you.

just s p a c e d o u t