Adventures, Memories, and Everything in Between

cinnamon rolls and you, a thief*

so we have established that i get nervous and nauseous
whenever i think of you.
cool.
so here's the other part of that.

im always thinking about you.

and whenever im not,
ill start thinking about you in the most awful moment.

like when im eating,
and the thought of you snatches
what little appetite i have left
right from under my nose.

mom thought for a while that i was anorexic,
but thats not it
cuz it has nothing to do with my body or my image,
im just not hungry anymore.

it kinda sucks though,
cuz the cinnamon rolls
mom makes for breakfast
that are my favorite
just don't make my stomach growl
the way they used to.

i literally feel like im fucking crazy.

nobody should stop eating for this long after a breakup.
i have lost a lot of weight,
i am even worried,
but what am i gonna do?
force myself to eat until i throw up?
then im not gaining anything anyways.
so that won't work.

just eat the little bit that i can?
mom will still always ask
if i want more and pray that i say yes.

ill pray that i say yes,
because eating was a hobby before!
i did it out of literal boredom even if i wasn't hungry.
now eating feels like a chore,
convincing myself to please let me take
one more bite.
but im trying my best.

ill just keep on trying my best,
until eventually im okay enough to eat a simple meal,
not a quarter of one.

maybe someday,
ill be able to eat mom's cinnamon rolls again.