Adventures, Memories, and Everything in Between

happiest year*

( AN: not my video. inspired by this song )

its June 11, 2020.

if you ever see or hear this someday,
sometime far, far away,
thank you.

maybe in a year and 30 days,
i'll be on your front porch,
revising the list of things i have (not) said to you
over all of this time in which
your eyes haven't had the chance to meet mine,
like a semi hitting a motorcycle head on.
but the difference is those cars will never meet again.
i really think
i will end up
back at your door,
because every single road i have ever taken
has somehow
led to you.

i wonder if you're hurting at all.
if you miss me,
or you are glad im gone,
or you love me,
or you hate me,
or you want me,
or want me dead,
i just wish i knew
what to (not) say
to you,
so i could start my list to recite
in a year and 30 days,
the day i turn 17,
where i imagine
i will end up
back at your door,
because every single road i have ever taken
has somehow
led to you.

i will rip away the caution tape and
traffic cones that stop me,
i will tear down stop signs and burn out the
red lights,
i will burn down the fences
and i will walk straight through the barbed wire
and smile,
fuck, ill laugh
as the pointed ends
rip through my flesh in the same way you did,
and ill end up
bleeding and gasping
and laughing and crying,
back at your door
because every single road i have ever taken
has somehow
led to you.

my eyes will crash into yours like
the semi and the bike,
and ill be the motorist,
who ends up dead before she hits the road.
and im alright with that,

cuz your touch will bring me back to life and
snatch all of the air from my lungs
and bring color back into my face
and the blood back into my veins
because
youll look so different.

what a privilege it would be,
it will be,
it might be,
to be able to fall in love with you
all over again.