NOBODY || JIKOOK

013

#NOBODY

Jimin felt like he can't breathe with how close Jungkook's face to his. He can feel the youngers hot breath and his fruity and woody scent filled Jimin's nose. The younger's scent is intoxicating and it's making him crazy. He could feel heat slowly making it's way to his cheeks and blood rushing through his body. Jimin feels like there's something got stucked in his throat and he feel like he stopped breathing as the younger said those three words

"I like you too, hyung." Jungkook said as he stared lovingly at Jimin.

Or that's what Jimin thought..

Jimin blinked a few times and send a confused look at Jungkook. He can't believe what he just heard. He feels like his ears is playing games with him. The younger chuckled as he straighten up his body, but still in front of Jimin.

"I-I..." Jimin stuttered. He was interrupted by Jungkook's chuckles. He looked at Jungkook, confused. "Did you really expect me to say that hyung?" Jimin was even more confused for a second but as soon as he realized what the younger meant, he felt a pang in his heart. He felt like thousands of daggers are stabbed right into his heart. He felt like crying and his eyes began to water. Even how much hurt and pained he is with the words that was thrown at him, he chose to smile.

What did he even expect? Jungkook liking him back? He is a complete clown for thinking that.

He should've believe when people around him when they say not to expect too much as it will only disappoint you much more. Jimin felt like his feelings were played. He is indeed played. He really thought Jungkook might have like him back. He really thought he had a chance with the younger but maybe he's just being delusional. He feels so stupid and dumb.

But the younger could have just said he hated him or he doesn't like him and in that way he wouldn't have got his hopes high.

Jungkook's voice sound so sincere and his face is serious and that made Jimin think maybe he's not kidding, that he's serious. That he really like Jimin.

Everything just hurts. He prepared himself for rejection for so many times but those three words gave Jimin hope but only to get crushed.

He didn't hate Jungkook. He hates himself.

He hates his self for liking and falling in love with Jungkook in, for having hope and for believing the younger's words. He felt embarassed and humiliated.

"I thought I've told you many times that I don't like you. I've told you many times, I'm irritated and annoyed by your presence. You always make me uncomfortable. But here you are, confessing to me. Pathetic." Jungkook said with all seriousness in his voice and face and chuckled. Jimin wanted to rush out of the door and lock himself to his room and cried his heart out there. But he's here, his feet glued to the floor as he stop himself from tearing and breaking down. He just stayed there, recieving all the harsh words thrown by the younger towards him. Maybe he needed those to wake up from his delusions.

"Do you know why I don't like you, hyung? It's because you're ugly and fat. Your voice is fucking irritating the shit out of me and you are fucking annoying. I don't like you, hyung. So, fuck off." Jungkook said and left the practice room, he grab his bag and phone on the way out.

Jimin was still frozen in his spot. He can't believe what he just heard. The younger just told him how annoying and irritating he is, and how ugly and fat he looks. Jimin was hurt, especially he heard it coming directly from the younger's mouth.

He was heartbroken...

He could no longer hold the heartbreak as he slowly let himself fall to the cold floor as he felt his knees and whole system gradually weakens. A cold liquid cascaded down to his face, one after another. His pain poured out in a flood of uncontrollable tears, his sobs resonated the whole practice room. His heart is beating faster and louder than it ever had and his mind is completely empty.

"I fucking hate myself." Jimin sobbed as he slowly reach for his knees and hugged them as he burried his face into his knees.

"I'm fucking ugly!"

"... and fat"

"... and fucking annoying and irritating and fucking worthless... fuck! I don't even know why I'm breathing anymore." Jimin cried out as he pulled out his hair. Frustated. He hated himself more than anyone else. He blames himself why he's rejected. The words that came out from the youngers lips was deeply planted in Jimin's heart and mind.

A loud sob escaped from his mouth and he covered his face with his shaking hands. He sniffed and slowly stood up from his position. His eyes are bloodshot red and puffy, tired from all the crying. He's tired. He wanted to lay down on the cold floor and sleep for all his life but his body move like it has its own mind.
He fished his phone from his pocket and go through his playlist. He tapped the play button as a calming song blasted through the speaker.

He don't have any plan on sleeping nor going back to their door for the meantime.

He closed his eyes and darkness slowly engulfs him. He's feeling the emptiness and darkness, the sadness and pain. He wanted it all out of his system. He stood there for a moment, letting his body flow to the rhythym of the song. He let the song guide him and his emotions.

"i modeun geon uyeoni anya

geunyang geunyang naye neukkimeuro..."

As the first beat vibrated through his ears, he turned his head to the right side gracefully and slowly raised his hands 45 degrees and as another beat blast through the speaker, he raised it to 90 degrees. He then slowly moves his index finger in circles in the air.

"on sesangi eojewan dalla

geunyang geunyang neoye gippeumeuro..."

His moves is enough to express how sad and in pain he is. A hot liquid manage to slip from his closed eyes. He just wanted to forget what happened earlier and the dancing is his only solution to that.

Dancing is his escape. His safe haven.

He raised his right hand as his left is slightly curve, hanging low. He then moved his body swiftly, as another beat drops. He gracefully move his body as he sways it left and right, his arms moving accordingly. He slips his right hand through his shirt, slightly clutching it making a bold and clean accent with his fist, while opening his hand as another beat flowed.

His moves, every movement and position is precised and danced with so much emotion. He accented every details, from major details even to the smalles or least detail making it more mesmerizing.

The way his body neatly and elegantly moves to the rhythym and flow of music. His supple turns and swaying of his body is utterly beautiful and shows how sad he is. His move are smooth yet sharp.

As the song gradually faded from the background, Jimin throw his self into the floor. His heavy breathing resonated through the four corners, hair and body damped with sweat. His face is stained with hot and salty liquid. He laid there for 2 hours staring at the ceiling, thinking and organizing his thoughts and emotions, tears brimming in his eyes.

Jimin wanted to hate the younger as much as he want but... he just can't because for him, all those words were true and he loves the younger way too, too much that no matter what the younger does, he won't mind.

Jimin's heart is just way too crazy for him.

... but everyone gets tired

and maybe soon,

Jimin, too...

"I'll always love you, Jeon Jungkook even if it hurts me..."

♢♢♢

I literally suck