Untie my heart

How do i fix what I have broken Becca

Looking down at River he seems so peaceful. His bare chest rises and falls with each breath as I stare at him, my mind blank just enjoying the quiet.

My eyes drift to the bandages on his chest and arms as sadness fills my heart. I am supposed to protect him but I have hurt him yet again. Tears are falling freely as Sam enters our room.

"Hey Bec", Sam whispers as she come to the side of the bed.

"How is he?" she asks.

I smile sadly, "we will know when he wakes if the spell worked, I don't know which is better, it working so he knows I am his mate or it not working so he never finds out that his mate is a monster" I say fighting off tears.

Sam walks over to me and pulls me into a hug. "It will be okay Bec, he will forgive you okay", she says, but I can tell she is also unsure.

From everything I have seen the rogue queen treated River perfectly, never hurt him not even once....how can a monster like me compete with that?

I smile sadly, "what am I going to do if he won't forgive me?" I ask just above a whisper, almost like if I say it out loud it will come true.

Sam does not reply for a long time, I look over to her and she is lost in thought. Sams eyes go wide as she looks at me, "what if you don't need him to forgive you?", she asks almost sounding giddy.

I look at her confused, "umm I kinda need him to forgive me Sam", I say it a duh tone.

Sam smiles brightly, "unless we fight fire with fire" she says.

"Umm you lost me" I say, somehow even more confused than I was before.

"Okay listen but promise to keep an open mind okay?", Sam asks.

"Okay yeah sure" I say, now feeling very unsure.

"We use the rogue queens own trick against her.....memory spell style" she says with a triumphant grin.

I pause, my face showing the conflicting emotions I am feeling. "I will have to think about it" I mumble.

"Hey", Sam interrupts, "we can try the old fashioned way first, it can just be an ace in the hole if we need it okay?" she says comforting me.

I sit up tall and smile, "your right Sam, if he refuses to forgive me I know I won't be able to let him go, if he makes me....." "Hope will have to be done too though" Sam adds. I shake my head in agreement. "Speaking of Hope, how goes the planning?" I ask. Sam smirks, "we are almost ready, a few days and we will attack and bring Hope home".

I smile warmly to Sam as a yawn escapes my lips. Sam giggles "okay, okay your majesty, off to bed with you".

I lay down next to River, pulling him close to me and wrapping my arms and legs around him tightly. "Goodnight Sam" I say as she makes her way out of our room.

"Goodnight my queen" Sam replies as she walks out, leaving me with my mate, comfortable with him in my arms.

I woke up feeling movement on the bed and hearing a loud thud, looking over I realize that River most have woken up, panicked and fell off the bed. I smile slightly, trying not to laugh at my poor mates misfortune.

I crawl over the bed and poke my head over the side, looking down at River. He is looking up at me, wide eyed and confused. I watch as he explores my face, like he is looking for answers while his eyebrows are scrunched in obvious confusion.

Suddenly he puts the pieces together and his face transforms from confused to horror. The smell of his fear fills the room. I frown down at him as he scoots himself as far from me as he can, panic written all over his face.

I jump down from the bed and walk quickly over to him just as he stands to bolt towards the door. I grab his hands with one of mine, holding them firmly behind his back while I press my body tightly against his my other hand firmly on his chest.

"River", I breath out, "please just listen okay?"

He looks at me horrified, he is trembling with fear and my heart is breaking looking at him. He does not say a word he just keeps staring at me.

"River" I begin, "do you remember?"

He looks down at me, "remember what exactly, you torturing me or that we were mates?" he says with venom in his voice.

I close my eyes tightly and lean my forehead into his chest, "baby please" I say begging him to listen. "I-I thought you betrayed me, worked with her to kill my father, baby please I did not know" I say with tears rolling down my cheek.

"So you what, torture me without even asking my side, you don't even question why or how just assume I am guilty, you are judge, jury and executioner? Why, why was your first thought that I betrayed you, why because I am a filthy rogue?", River snaps at me.

I push myself closer to him and just shake my head no into his chest. "P-please River, please understand that I was blinded by grief, my father was murdered, hundreds of pack members were dead and I watched you run away with my fathers murderer. I know, I know I fucked up but I-I could not think straight". I am crying hysterically now as I start to beg, "River please, please understand, I know it will be hard but we can fix this we can fix this together" I sob.

River does not say a word, I look to his face and he has his eyes closed and he starts to slowly shake his head no, his body still shaking in fear. "I-I don't know if I can Rebecca", he whispers, "I am a-a-afraid of you. I have felt betrayal, I have been hurt but I would never be able to hu-h-hurt someone I hated as much as you hurt me" he says with a trembling voice.

My heart is broken but I just stand there, I wrap my arms around him tightly and just hold him while he trembles in fear. After almost an hour I can tell that Rivers body is giving out, he has stopped trembling and his legs are starting to buckle.

I mind link Sam to bring a sedative as I begin to pull him gently towards the bed. River fights with what little energy he has but it does nothing to stop me. I push him down and wrap myself around him, my chest firmly against his back, my arms holding his arms firmly against his body.

Sam comes in and smiles sadly, she walks over without a word and quickly injects River. I hold him tightly until I hear his heart rate even out and the sound of his sweet snores.

I gently slip away from him, looking down sadly. I take a deep breath before looking to Sam. "We need to use that ace" I say with sadness in my voice.