SOFT ALPHA // Taekook ✔️ [BxB]

Chapter 30

Trigger warning ⚠️
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"Jungkook come on... I know it sucks and that you feel bad, but you can't stay in here all day. Also, you can't miss out on school this much," Jin says as he enters the kitchen after once again turning down Taehyung to let him know Jungkook won't come out, "you'll have to talk to him at some point. And he isn't mad! He has told me several times by now."

Jungkook sighs and bites his lip gently. He knows what he's doing is stupid and childish, but it's so hard for him to deal with it. He doesn't know if it's his sickness that's really kicking in these days. He feels constant anxiety and attacks happens more often that they usually do.

It has been two weeks since he last talked with Taehyung. For many, that might not be a lot... but they were finally talking everyday over the phone, now that's history for them. Taehyung keeps trying to call, but every time Jin tries to get Jungkook to talk to him, the raven escapes and hides in his room. It's getting frustrating for all of them, even Jin. He doesn't like seeing his son in distress like this.

Jungkook has been skipping school too. So much that Namjoon had to send a notice to him to get back in class or else he'll get expelled at some point. 

"I-I know..." Jungkook says. He doesn't want to go to school. He doesn't want to see Taehyung. See Suho... see any of his friends either. It's just so unmanageable. His head and his chest is constantly heating up, throwing him into another panic attack ever so often. Still, he tries his best to keep it in, but Jin sees right through him every time.

A new panic attack is forming.

The elder walks over and gently pulls Jungkook into a hug as his breathing gets faster and more permanent. 

"Shhhh, it's okay. You're okay," Jin whispers, running his fingers through Jungkook's hair and pressing their bodies tightly against each other to create as much pressure on Jungkook's chest as possible. For some reason, that helps him out a lot.

Jungkook gasps a few times for air, feeling his head go blank and his heart beating so fast it's about to break his rip-case. He hates this feeling more than anything, it's tearing him apart each time. It goes on like that for what feels like endless minutes.

"Jungkook, you're okay," Jin repeats as he slowly feels the younger calming down. Jungkook hides his face in Jin's neck, his hands tugging tightly in his father's shirt. He doesn't know why he's suddenly hitting rock bottom like this.

Everything that happened... with Taehyung. It hurts him. However, what hurts him mostly is what Suho did to him. Jungkook is so tried of it all. He just can't take it much longer... now that Suho broke Jungkook's most beloved possession, the pure-blood no longer has any remorse for that man. That's why he hasn't been to school.

He's scared he can't hold himself back next time.

When Jin feels that Jungkook's breathing is starting to get normal and he isn't gasping anymore, he slowly pulls back but still keeps his arms around the other.

"Better?" he questions and cares for Jungkook's cheek. Jungkook nods tiredly, closing his eyes for a second to rest them. Anxiety attacks are very draining. 

"You have been getting them a lot these days," Jin says and looks at his son with pained eyes, "should I go get some medication?"

Jungkook looks down. He hasn't taken his medicine for 4 years, but he hasn't been this down in a long time either. Maybe it's best if he gets some pills to calm himself... it's just sad to think about when he has been free of them for so long. He remembers how deep darkness he was in back then, he doesn't want to end up in a situation like that in the future. Fixing it now might make it possible for him to avoid that outcome. 

"Okay," he whispers and leans in for another hug. Jin grants it to him without a question and kisses Jungkook's hair. If he could do anything, as in anything to make Jungkook feel better, he would do it. Every time Jungkook suffers, Jin wishes he knew how to be a better parent... being able to be there for him without work. Making sure he has his medication even though it costs too much for them.

He can only afford medication for about a three months a time... even though he should always have some prepared.

"I'll go okay? I'm closing up the café for a while," Jin instructs before leaving a final kiss on the top of Jungkook's head and pulling back. The boy simply nods and watches Jin take off his apron before grabbing his jacket.

"I'll be back soon," he says and leaves the room.  Jungkook just keeps sitting on the old chair, letting his heavy head fall downwards. He can feel how he's falling deeper and deeper into despair, his chest hurting no matter what he thinks about. Everything seems dark around him, making him question if even medication will help him at all. 

Kicks. Hits. Constant hate. Constant fear. Jungkook doesn't know anything aside from that. It's all he has felt, ever since he was just a kid. Pain. Pain. Pain.

Flashback

"Stupid kid, can't you even get this right? You're not only weak, you're also dumb," Jungkook's father spits harshly as his hand for the third time today smacks over his son's cheeks. Jungkook falls and lands on the floor, feeling how the tears sting in the back of his eyes. 

"I knew she should have gotten an abortion. Ending up with the likes of you has only given me trouble," he adds before kicking Jungkook. He younger boy hisses by the pain and watches with blurry eyes as his father leaves the room without even sparing his son another glance.

Why does he get treated like this? What did he do to deserve this? He did his best on that math test, there was just some questions he didn't understand. He was too scared to ask the teacher for help, all of his classmates look so scary too. He could never ask them anything.

The small boy slowly drags himself back up like he has done so many times before.

This isn't an unusual situation for him. Fails a test? Beatings. Spills something? Stand in the corner for two hours. Accidently gets in the way? No food for two days. 

That's the life for Jeon Jungkook. Every time the sun shows up, he gets mistreated. Every time it goes down, he gets abused. Every day with no way out.

Still, he fights more than anyone. He keeps cleaning up, he keep learning more... to do better. Over and over again he studies, he cooks and he cleans at the mare age of 8. Why? Because he wants his father to be proud. He wants his father to just for once give him a look of approval. Of recognition.

Of love.

However, Jungkook can't seem to achieve this small thing no matter how much he tries. After years of living like this, he's starting to accept the fact that he will never be loved.

That's okay. 

If he can't be loved... he'll just start giving up.