EXES AND OH'S

Second Chances

"Charlie, hey!" Dan softly hollers from his table, looking every little bit like the haywire weirdo that he is. He's been so smiley lately, and I could only assume that there's been some development with Julia, the cute blonde waitress he's been wet crushing on since forever. Well, they better be hitting it off after I caused that scene inside the coffee shop! Now the regulars there are going to think I banged this nerd kid for real. But to hell with it, I don't give a fuck what people think anyway.

Though I must admit, Dan's been looking a little cute lately. I can see he took my advice. He got a clean haircut when he came in Tuesday. And boy, who knew Dan had really gorgeous warm brown wavy locks? The greasy hair that could fry up a pound of chicken? Now ancient history. And thank the Lord, he's finally wearing contacts. Bye-bye Napoleon Dynamite, hello Dr. Spencer Reid!

He also stopped wearing those hideous and super drab brown collared shirts, and those godawful leather suspenders. Like, seriously, who pulls off suspenders these days? Only Leonardo DiCaprio did in Titanic. Oh, wait... It makes much more sense now. The hair, the shirt, the suspenders. Was he trying to look like Leo before? Holy shitballs. He definitely looked more like Arnie from What's Eating Gilbert Grape than Jack Dawson.

I shake my head and just think about Gilbert Grape. Christ on a swing. I think I just creamed my thong. Daddy Johnny Depp was a total stud in that movie. Long hair, smoldering hot stares, soulful brown eyes, and that sharp jawline. Oh boy, that's a pretty good image to help me get through this dreadful Thursday borefest.

"Charlie. Psst." Dan calls again, his hands on the sides of his mouth. This moron.

"Oh, for crying out loud! What is it, Dan?" I ask him, super irritated and still typing away at my laptop.

He stands up and walks over to my desk, sitting half his ass on the edge. I eye him as he did so, then blew some air into my non-existent bangs out of total utter annoyance. "Hey, um. I just want to thank you for what you did Monday. You know, when you—"

"Yeah, Dan, I know what I did. You don't have to remind me." I fix my gaze back at my computer screen. Did he come over just so he could thank me for that? Well, the kid's grateful.

"Yeah, I... Um, things have been going pretty well since then. Julia and I, we—"

I look back at him with wide eyes. "Did you bang her already?" I ask him with a big smile, resting my elbows on my desk.

"No, not yet. But she, um... She kinda felt, my, uh. You know?" He stutters, his cheeks and the bridge of his nose are all so flushed. I raised my eyebrows at him, telling him to go on. "We were sitting in my car last night, and it just happened." Dan shrugs his shoulders and smiles a super cute smile.

Though I don't have a perfect understanding of what actually happened in his car with Julia. I let out an exasperated breath. "So, what? Did Julia get to choke your chicken?" I try to come up with a wild guess. I mean, he said they didn't Marvin Gaye and get it on yet.

Dan's brows furrowed, confusion crossing his face. "Choke my what?" 

"Did she wank your schlong?" I mutter, and it seems that he still doesn't get it based on his reaction. Jesus, Mary, and Michael Jackson. What planet did this dude come from? "Did she give you a handjob?!" I roll my eyes and go for the word. If he still doesn't know what a handjob is I'm going to drag him straight to the copy and supply room to give him a free fucking demo, pronto.

"Oh, that. Yes. That." He grins from ear-to-ear and crinkles his nose, as if recalling the memories of how Julia was milking his bacon last night.