EXES AND OH'S

Out of the Picture

I didn't know what went through me. But as soon as Kurt and I got home, I just found myself running straight to my room dialing Levi's phone number with a huge smile on my face. I don't exactly know what to say. I just... want to hear his voice. 

That, and perhaps, I'm planning to tell him that — I'm keeping our baby after all. 

Strange though, Levi's phone only rings once, and then the operator comes in saying that his number is unavailable. I try a couple more times, even going outside the balcony just to make sure that I have proper cell reception. But... all my attempts were unsuccessful.

Wait, what time is it in New York right now? It's just a few minutes past five in the afternoon here in LA, so it's eight in the evening up on the East Coast. Maybe Levi's already asleep? No, it's still too early. Or he probably headed out somewhere, and his phone's battery died out?

Fuck. What's happening to Levi? Has he lost his phone yet again? I'm having a thousand crazy thoughts running in my head right now. Frankly, I'm getting worried that he might have continued binge drinking after we broke up. And God forbid, he might have passed out and hit his head on a corner or something — and now lying unconscious on the marble floor of his huge loft, all alone.  

Highly anxious and completely on edge, I decide to call the next person who can tell me Levi's whereabouts. 

"Charlie?" Ugh, finally. My call was answered after a solid minute.

"Jesse, hi." I greet him frantically.

"Hey, um, what's up?" He greets back, a little colder than what I'd expected. Jesse's usually in high spirits every time I call and catch up with him on the phone. And right now, he just sounds... cautious.

Shit. Do I ask about Levi right away? No, of course not. That will be rude. 

"Yeah, hi. How are you?" I start, fumbling for words from the back of my mind. "Um, I — I just wanted to, uh, ask how things are with you and Kristen. You know, um, since we last spoke during my short trip to New York?" I decide to ask about where we left off on our last conversation. Jesse and his wife were trying to have a baby, and I hope this time there's one up the oven already.

"Yeah, th—thanks for asking," Jesse trails off, sounding a little downcast. "We actually just decided to chill out on that whole thing for a little bit. We, um, we've talked about it, and just... we don't want to get our hopes up. If it happens, then it happens. You get what I mean?"

"Yeah, um, totally." I nod and press my lips together, turning sad knowing that Jesse and K's relationship is being tested by the fucking universe again. 

I try to steer our conversation into a somewhat lighter discussion by asking Jesse what's up and new at the East Coast Aperture. And for a few minutes we lose ourselves talking about work and how great the mid-year results and turnovers are for both the West and East Coast offices. He thanks me and the whole LA team for a job well done, and says that he's looking forward to coming back to California in two months time.

"How about you? How've you been doing lately? How far along are you now, by the way?" Jesse finally asks about my pregnancy. I don't want to tell him about my plans, though. I want to tell everything first to Levi, and hear what he thinks and what he has to say. 

"I'm okay, and the um... my baby's doing okay too, I actually just got home from my doctor's appointment." I blankly reply, not wanting to give anything away. I have to ask him about Levi now, I want to talk to him. And maybe later I'd even put my phone on speaker and let him talk to our little moon. "Listen, Jesse, I — I actually called to ask about... Levi. I've been calling him earlier and—"