EXES AND OH'S

Verschlimmbesserung

"Does my outfit look like I'm begging for sex?" I ask Kurt, staring down at the black halter maxi dress I'm wearing. It has a small keyhole on the chest area, which shows some cleavage, and a front slit from the ankle up to the middle of my thighs. I paired it with simple black strappy heels. This whole ensemble that I'm wearing seriously looks like I'm out to audition for The Real Housewives of Orange County. Jesus Fuck.

"Nah. I think it just screams, 'I know I'm a slut, but I have reservations too.'" He kids, and I know Kurt's just doing it to help me let out of my unglued state. He finally pulls up the car to the parking lot of Nobu Malibu Beachfront Restaurant.

Kurt drove me here because I was having panic attacks since this morning, and the restaurant's a good forty-minute drive from our condo. He feared I might have another episode while driving on the freeway, so he insisted to drive me all the way here instead.

"You ready, boo?" He pulls on the hand break and changes the gear into park. He turns sideways to gaze at me with purpose, lightly squeezing my arm. "Babe, listen. You don't have to do this... or at least not right now. It's just that, you might not be sure with this, you know?"

I look down on my knotted fingers and take a deep breath before looking back at him. "No, Kurt, I — this is something I need to do, now. I'm done being a coward. Look at all the time I've wasted. I've been so used to keeping people at arm's length because I don't know how to let them in all the way anymore."

"I've always looked beneath the surface for more answers and I've always questioned people's intentions because the last time I believed in that kind of fire, the flames burned me. That's why I'm willing to taking the risk now. I just think... I've come to realize that whatever happens, I'll get hurt anyway. It's part of being with someone."

Kurt gives me a small smile and reaches up to me for a quick hug. "Alright. Good luck, babe." He tucks the stray hair behind my ear, unveiling the super elegant but simple diamond drop earrings I'm wearing. He tips his head to the side, his lips curled into half a smile. "You look real pretty. I'm sure he'll tell you the same when he sees you. So you better get going now!" He yaps, widening his eyes at me.

I beam back at Kurt and nod, unbuckling my seatbelt and checking my reflection in the rearview one last time before going out of the car.

"I'm excited to see you do your walk-of-shame when you get back home tomorrow morning. And don't forget to wear protection, okay?!" Kurt cheers and shouts, which I think was heard by everyone outside the restaurant's parking lot. 

The people around started looking at me — fancy people, nonetheless, standing beside their Porsches, Ferraris, Maseratis, and lots more luxury cars lining up the whole property. Jesus Harold Christ.

I am so damn mortified. I widen my eyes at Kurt and feign a smile as I wave him goodbye, already driving off into the Pacific Coast Highway.

I turn on my heel and walk towards the pathway from the parking lot to the restaurant. Before the entrance is a mini Japanese-inspired garden that connects to the gorgeous wooden deck with glass railings, boasting the majestic Malibu coastline. The sun just went down, and the sky was painted indigo blue, purple, and pink with streaks of orange. The colors of the horizon are super saturated, it's hard to believe it's actually real. It looks more like a kaleidoscope dream. I gasp at the beautiful view. It's hard to miss New York whenever I see the the California ocean and sky. It's just beyond breathtaking.

I hear footsteps from behind me, and then feel soft delicate hands cover both my eyes. My heart stops for a second. Of course, I already know who it is.