EXES AND OH'S

Salt Bae, Renaissance Fair, and An Unexpected Encounter 3.0

"I'm thinking of quitting on the music industry now, like, for real." Levi mutters and lets out a breath, crossing his legs. We're seated next to each other, his arm rested around the back of my shoulders while both my legs are perched on top of his thighs. 

Yeah, I know. We're totally looking like hopelessly smitten idiots in front of our friends. But I think they already got used to Levi and me canoodling and sucking each other's faces while in their presence. 

Cause hey, we're in love, and we're mad horny with each other. And if excessive PDA, making-out, and having sex countless of times in a day isn't the essence of love, then what is? And damn, this past week is probably the happiest I've been in so long. And not just because Levi and I are currently in a state of catatonic bliss. But also because Tim got home from the hospital just a day after he was admitted. His tests say he was in the clear, at least in the meantime. 

I'm feeling like myself lately — no pretensions, no pressure, no Günter. Just me and my old friends, and me being my old, carefree, normal self.

Right now, there's four of us hanging out at my condo — Jesse, Isaac, Levi and myself. We just came back from Santa Monica Beach, where we left Kristen and Nat. They're probably still lying down on their beach mats under the late afternoon sun, sizzling themselves on the sand like rotisserie chickens.

And you know me, I'm not really the type to bask out in the sun to get some vitamin D. I got more than enough daily dose of D from Levi — or almost like an overdose, trust me. 

I asked Kurt to join us but he went out on a date with Carlos. So it's basically just the boys and me on this fine Saturday afternoon. Which is really nice because I'm basically one of the guys, minus the actual penis. I'd even like to think that I'm an honorary dude because I'm a really huge dick. And I'm just really glad to get to chill out with these chaps because we're in the same spectrum. They really get me and we all share the same kind of humor. We can all dick around, throw insults at each other, and not get offended. Yeah, that's my kind of trip and that's how we roll.

"And what would you do now, schmuck?" Isaac asks Levi, finishing his sixth can of beer. 

"I don't know yet, man," Levi shrugs his shoulders then turns his gaze to Isaac. "But lately, I've been watching lots of videos on how to make pasta, bread, learning about steaks, curing different kinds of meats — just those kind of stuff. It really got me curious. And I was kinda thinking, maybe I'd even open my own bar and restaurant shit someday. So, I guess... I'd like to try my hands on that." He beams, though there isn't any indication in his tone that he's kidding. 

Isaac, Jesse and I all snort at what Levi just said. 

"The fuck are you talking about? You trying to pull off a frickin' Salt Bae now? Sprinkling shit on meat and then grow a 'stache made out of flat-ironed pubic hairs?" Jesse scoffs and throws a pistachio shell at his best friend's face. "Man, you've gotta be shitting me. I mean, you don't even cook, dumbass!"

"Yeah, exactly. Life begins at the end of your comfort zone, man. So every time that you feel afraid, take a step forward, learn something new. And that's why I want to do it." Levi maintains, dead-serious, then throws back bits of trail mix at Jesse. "I'm fucking serious. I'm doin' it, I fucking swear."

Crap, now I'm wondering whether that whole baking stuff he did with Kurt—and me insulting and shitting on the bread he made for me—jumpstarted this whole shebang he's thinking of doing. 

And if there's one thing I know about Levi from years of working with him at Aperture, he always liked taking on back-breaking, large-scale challenges. The dude's real competitive, and he always pushed his team to do the impossible, whatever it took. That was like his work mantra. And his guys absolutely hated him for that. Though at the end of the day, they execute and achieve Levi's visions and goals anyway. This bastard love-of-mine really is an evil fucking genius. He could actually be his very own Steve Jobs, or even run a really elaborate Ponzi scheme if only he had half the mind to it.