EXES AND OH'S

Bitter Sweet Symphony

I step into Jesse's office without knocking, and I find him on the couch canoodling with his pretty wife Kristen. She's sitting sideways on his lap and they were making out hard — like pumped-out, frisky teenagers. 

Dear Lord, they just can't get their hands, tongues, and genitals off of each other, can they?

Jesse and K stopped making out as soon as they realized somebody else was in the room. I know, right? Awkward, times three. They both look at me with half-shocked and huge hongry smiles on their faces.

"Oh, shit, I'm so sorry!" I quickly turn around and head out, completely mortified. Jesus Christ in a ballroom. This damned office filled with horny people. This place is basically a corporate brothel. Fuck. Seriously, there should be door tags so someone knows if the room is ocupado.

"Charlie, Charlie! Come back!" K hollers just before I closed the door. 

I slowly step back inside, half-covering my eyes and not looking at Jesse's direction. 'Cause hell, I'll never know if his kosher sausage is whipped out of his pants.

"Um, hiya there, K! Long time no see." I giggle awkwardly and greet her with a full-on squinting cringe face. 

She gets up from Jesse's lap and walks towards me with her tanned, slender, gazelle legs. Holy mother of King Arthur. She's looks so much prettier with that real awesome sun-kissed glow. This woman right here makes me question my sexuality. Staring at her intense ocean blue eyes alone makes me want to turn into a dude and grow a huge, fat, circumcised penis.

"So nice to see you, too!" K gushes, kissing me on the cheek and giving me half a hug. She smells so damned good. It's like she bottled up the whole feel and aura of sex and seduction, and made it her own personal perfume. If I had a dick, I would be so fucking hard right now. Really.

"I'm so sorry to interrupt you two." I mumble, so fucking embarrassed. And why am I the one feeling the shame, anyway? Not my fault that they didn't lock the door! Stupid, over-thirsty Jesse and his huge ding-a-ling going mad bonkers for a hot second that he completely lost his mind and totally forgot how locks work. 

"Nah, that's fine. I was just about to leave." K beams at me, and looks at Jesse with a sexy smile.

Oh, she was about to leave? Couldn't have fooled me. I thought she was about to come. Oops. I flash Kristen an innocent smile. "Oh, already?"

K snickers, tying her shiny long dark hair up in a high ponytail. "Yeah, I have to get back to the museum. My boss is gonna bite my ass." Well, I really think my boss just bit your ass. Just look at that fucker, he looks like he's still so high from Kristen Meth. "So I guess, I'll just see you at the party tomorrow?" She babbles, grabbing her black leather jacket perched on top of the chair and slips it on her arms.

I furrow my brows, a little confused. "What party?"

Kristen's blue eyes widen, and turns her gaze to Jesse as if in panic. "Oh, um, there's just this party for the..."

"Yeah, we're just celebrating the opening of the West Coast HQ." Jesse butts in. He stands up and rushes towards K, grinning like the devil.

"Baby, I really gotta go now." K mutters, reaching up for Jesse's nape.

"Yeah, okay." He whispers against her mouth. "I'll pick you up at the museum later." Jesse leans down for a hot, sweet kiss. Damn.

And this is the part where I look away, turn around, and feel so frickin' awkward again. Seriously, these two needs to simmer down and take a cold shower, in separate bathrooms!