EXES AND OH'S

If Monday Was a Person

I yank my black leather skirt down a little, making sure that I don't show as much skin than I should. I'll be filling on Jesse's meetings today, which means I'll get to be in the same room as that pig Levi Steinmetz.

Fuck. Why do I even care? I've worn this same, exact skirt probably a million times already. I always felt comfortable in this, why do I feel like a total whore wearing this now? This is why I don't want screwing anyone in the workplace. I know it will make me real uncomfortable. Hell, I actually look decent! Fitted black turtleneck long-sleeved shirt, wide fishnet stockings, and chunky leather boots. I'm sure I did my sister Wednesday Addams proud.

I always wear black in the office. It's really not a fashion statement. Well, maybe it is. But I'm just not the one to bother what to pull out from my closet and spend lots of time mixing-and-matching outfits. For me, it's a complete waste of time. At least with an all-black ensemble, I'm safe from the New York fashion police. I actually would have worn a black dress at my boss's wedding, had Jesse allowed me to. 

I also learned from Zach, my artist-slash-girlfriend-beater ex, that black is the absence of light. And I think it's very fitting for me. All the light in me has gone, turned off and taken away by those sick fuckers. Now I'm just an emotional blackhole that sucks my own feelings.

"Good morning, Charlie," Dan greeted with a huge smile as I sat on my swivel chair.

This kid always has a big, stupid smile on his face. I fucking hate it. He's so lucky our boss isn't around right now because if Jesse gets his coffee and bagel an hour late again and he sees that dog-grin right up on Dan's face, he's definitely gonna make him eat shit for breakfast.

"Could you dial down that smile? You're freaking me out. God!" I hiss at Dan, removing my Ray-Ban aviators and mindlessly throwing it inside my bag. I fire up my Mac and check what I have to do today. 

So I'll be Jesse Akerman for three weeks straight, might as well put on a strap-on for the job. I need to man up to act like a fucking boss in this goddamned office. Everyone seems to be off the hook whenever Jesse takes time off, it's like everyone's on a holiday. Fucking Jesse Akerman having the time of his freakin' life. His balls must be deep inside K's sugar walls now somewhere off a sunny island in Southeast Asia.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, visualizing that I'm growing a penis - a huge one. Yeah, that's more like it. And now a tight pair of balls...

"Charlie."

"Balls!" I jump on my seat, startled as I was pulled out of my sane mind. Well, guess who it is.

"Are you coming?"

"What?!" I narrow my eyes at Levi, both his palms resting on my desk and his pretty face just a few inches away from mine. He smells like clary sage, lavender, a hint of subtle musk and leather, and peppermint aftershave. Holy nutcracker, his scent makes me cream in my panties.

"I want you to come," he uttered in such a sexy manner, and gave me a viciously naughty smile. "To the meeting. I want you to come to the meeting." He chortled, and stood up properly. "You're Jesse today. Well, you'll actually be the fucker for three weeks." He playfully waggled his eyebrows at me. 

I just rolled my eyes at Levi and ignored him, turning my attention back to my computer screen.

"Meeting's in five." He reminded, pointing his index finger up on the Rolling Stone wall clock above my head. "See you." He turns around and I watch him as he walked away. 

I catch Dan looking at me with wide eyes and a really creepy, little smile. "The fuck you staring at?" I bark at him. "Get to work, pissant!"