EXES AND OH'S

And The New Chapter

"Oh my God, that was such a thrill! Best experience of my life!" Kurt gushes, bubbling over and looking so high. Well, were both literally so high an hour ago. We just landed on LAX and now on a cab en route to our condo at the Arts District. 

We left New York a few minutes past midnight, and I was shit pissed 'cause I was still so sleepy and tired from packing all of our things the entire Saturday. But now I just feel so glad we chose to leave at such an ungodly hour because Kurt and I was able to witness the most beautiful golden sunrise as it broke the West Coast's horizon — while up on the friggin' plane! And now as we sit on the cab, the cool, gentle brushing of the late spring breeze against our skin and the bright but perfectly warm, saturated rays of the morning sun hitting our faces feels like absolute heaven.

Kurt and I haven't even said anything since we arrived. I think we're just both left so speechless — super amazed and frickin' bedazzled by the charm of Los Angeles. It's just so different from NYC. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm a true blue New Yorker and it will always have a special place in my heart. But because of the amount of activity and age, NYC looks very beat up and dirty. LA on the other hand is beautiful in a different kind of way. The areas look far more cleaner, newer, and nicer. Though I won't go on and compare apples to oranges. Both cities have their own charms, I think. NY wins by the beauty of the city and architecture in it, while LA wins from the natural environment and smaller scale architecture.

"Best experience? Surely it wasn't your first plane ride?" I ask Kurt, who's still busy gazing outside the cab window and drinking in the sight of Santa Fe Avenue.

He turns to me with wild eyes and a wide grin. "Oh yeah, it is! And it's fucking awesome!"

My face mirrors Kurt's, beyond surprised and happy to know that I've been a part of this fresh experience of his. "What?! You haven't been on a plane before? God, Kurt, even snakes have been on a plane!"

He chuckles then nods his head. "Well, it's my first plane ride if you don't count that turbulent kiddie plane ride outside Walmart when I was seven. That bitch broke my hymen."

"Your hymen? When you were seven?" I snort at Kurt. "That could only be hemorrhoids and not a hymen, you idiot! And of course that plane ride doesn't count!"

We both laugh and hold hands tight. It's such a lovely feeling — Kurt and I both super excited building our new life ahead. I just feel so lucky, that even if I was caught in a shit storm right before I left New York, I was given a chance to a fresh start again here in LA. 

I packed-up twenty-five years of my life in three huge luggages, and a few more U-Boxes which will be shipped by a moving container cross-country after three weeks. It wasn't that easy. I let go of so many things behind. Not just material things but more importantly, emotional baggages. And we all know that's just how life should be — you have to let go. And I just hope, I was able to fully leave the ghosts from my troubled and tainted past. I'm so tired of the hauntings, and I need to find my peace now. 

And Levi? I would totally be fooling myself if I say that I'm already over him. Again, it's not that easy. Hell, I spent Friday night through Saturday morning crying for that asshole. I thought getting so fucking angry would rid of my feelings for him, but it turns out, it did nothing. Love is just so intense and blinding, you can't replace it with another emotion. It will always just be love with a little side of something — sad love, angry love, passionate love, stupid love, true love.

Is my love for Levi true? Yes, it is. I know it, and I still feel it. But there's no sense in knowing and feeling at this point. Whatever we have is over, and we're living our lives on opposite ends of the country. I can finally move on at my own pace now, I won't be seeing him everyday and that will make it much easier. I know we'll definitely see each other again because we're still working under the same company, and him and Jesse and Isaac will make regular quarterly visits here in the West Coast. And hopefully, by the next time we see each other again, I've somehow recovered; much stronger, in control, and gone are my feelings for him.