EXES AND OH'S

Back to Life

You are my fire, the one desire. Believe, when I say...

"I want it that way!" Kurt and I both sing loudly, and off-key, in unison while munching on popcorn and dead-serious on watching TV. Magic Mike XXL is on HBO right now and oh my Lawd, why haven't I seen this amazeballs film before?

Joe Manganiello strips off his shirt and pops the bag of Cheetos open, the contents sprinkling out of the bag and fantastically littering the convenience store while he's stripper dancing to Backstreet Boys' hit I Want It That Way. Damn, that's one Italian daddy I'd definitely want to bang.

He then walks to the fridge, writhes and grinds a little more then grabs a bottle of water, pops it open, places it on top of his groin and squeezes the bottle hard so that the water projectile shoots out like a fuck-load of jizz.

"I have never wanted to be a fridge so much in my life! God almighty!" Kurt bursts while popping kernels into his mouth continuously, hyper-focused on the TV and not even bothering to blink once.

"Daym, I have never wanted to be a convenience store cashier so much in my life! Just look at her! How can she keep a straight face?!" I exclaim, referring to the stoic cashier who was totally emotionless while Papi Joe was gyrating his abs in front of her, trying to make her smile with his horny dancing.

"I know! I was laughing so hard at the movies when I watched this scene. Well, everybody in the audience was. It's so frickin' hilarious!" He munches on a handful of popcorn and brings it all down with a gulp of Coke. 

Man, Kurt is thirsty! Well, he and me both. Who wouldn't be thirsty with these beautiful dudes? If strippers were half that handsome in real life, I'd surely be a frickin' patron! Cause fucking hell, I once knew a stripper that lived a floor below my old apartment in the East Village. And trust me, he ain't pretty at all. He has so many gaps in his teeth it looks like his tongue is in jail. Jesus H. Christ!

"I never bothered seeing this in the movies! I really thought it was just some dumb film about magic." I yawp, feeling hot with Joe Manganiello's hot dancing.

"Girl! Just look at these guys' abs and crotches and tell me this ain't magic?!" Kurt bursts, widening his eyes at me.

"Okay, I agree, this is magic." I hold up my hands and smile in defeat. "And I'd totally seduce Matt Bomer and make him my baby daddy. Jesus, just look at the party in his pants! I'd let his shoot his confetti at me any frickin' time."

"Babe, he's gay." Kurt states sardonically, lowering his head and giving me a mocking stare. "I have more chance with him, just keeping it real."

I scoff and throw popcorn bits at him. "Well, that's the reason God made roofies on the eighth day!"

"Okay. First, God didn't create roofies, just marijuana. Second, there's only seven days in the creation, you dumb bitch! Third, you're crazy with a capital K!" Kurt and I both laugh, and he opens a pack of black Twizzlers, munching on one stick.

"Ew, why do you even eat that shit? That tastes like what Satan would probably clean his ears with!" I fake-retch and grimace. 

Levi hated the black Twizzler variant, too. He has a jar full of the red, strawberry-flavored ones in his office. And he always brings a big pack with him every time he comes over to my apartment back in New York. I smile as I remember the way he bites and chews into a Twizzler stick. He looks so stupid, but so friggin' cute too.

Oh. 

And my bright mood changed all of a sudden, just like that. Six weeks later since I left New York, since Levi and I last spoke and saw each other, yet here I am — still haunted by beautiful memories of him.