EXES AND OH'S

Oh. Unfriended.

"Don't you have other friends that you could hang out with?" Levi asks, getting back to his old, insensitive shitbag ogre self. To be honest, I'm think I'm kinda getting used already to the pluck of this bastard. Getting angry at him for almost anything that comes out of his stupid mouth could get really tiring.

We're chilling by this cocktail bar a few blocks from my place, smoking a few cigarettes and drinking dry whiskey. This isn't really the kind of bar we Aperture guys go to. There's a lot of uppity people in here, and mostly yuppies from this part of the East Village. But since Levi's paying for the drinks with his sausage wallet, I wouldn't give a fuck.

"I could just ask you the same." I simper and roll my eyes at him for like the thousandth time tonight. "But yeah, I don't have any other friends - or at least, not anymore."

"What do you mean not anymore?" He takes a huge drag off his cigarette, his eyes bore through mine.

"I, um, stopped seeing them when I was with Zach. You know that part when that fucker really gets irrationally jealous, right? He's like that even with my friends. May it be a guy or a girl. Zach's just - he's fucking screwed in the head. " I raise my drink to my lips and finish it all in one gulp. I need to get a little drunk if I'm going to talk about this.

"Then why don't you just try to see your old friends again? I mean, you've broken up with your scum ex. It's not like someone's going to stop you." He suggests, making it sound like it's the easiest thing to do in the whole universe.

"I wish it's that easy, Levi," I look at him, and he calls the bartender for another round of drinks. He looks back at me and hands a glass, a gin and tonic this time.

"Enlighten me, then. How is it hard?" He raises his glass for a toast and I don't have half the mind to join him. 

Ugh. He is one smug ass. The way he says things just sets me off into thermonuclear rage. "Well, I feel like a total jerk that I left and broke ties with them when I was still with Zach," I try to explain to him. "And I don't want them thinking that I only ever wanted to hang out with them when I get dumped or heartbroken or I need someone to cheer me up. Because that whole time I was with Tom - you know, the dark web guy, I was kinda flaking out already on my friends too. I was a terrible friend before the whole Zach and Brian incident."

"Come on, Charlie. If they're your real friends they'd understand. Shit, you've been through hell. I assume they know what happened?" He snorts and offers me another cigarette, I shake my head.

"You see, they did understand. Perfectly." I twitch my lip in a sad pout. "And then, this old friend of mine, she told me how she really felt towards me getting back and hanging out with her again." I scrape my throat and look at Levi's eyes as I speak. "She said she didn't want to be friends anymore and hang around with me when I'm in a relationship because, I just turn into this... lame-ass shell of a human being. And that every time a guy looks at me, I just forget who I am, and like, I get sucked into his world."

"Fuck that," Levi chuckled. "What kind of a friend is that?"

"The true kind," I tell him. "The truest friends are like mirrors, Levi. You just get the plain, bold truth. No exaggerations, no smokescreens, no lies, no bullshit. And you know what? Everything she told me was the truth. I realized, I'm never gonna find the right guy by bumming free drinks and slutting it up. So if I ever decide get into a relationship again, I want to be able to have total control of myself, and be with someone who likes me for who I really am."

"And here you are two years later, bumming free drinks from me." Levi laughs at his little joke.

"I'm not slutting it up with you, though." My defense, and then point at the space between us. "This, is pure innocent. See? We're like opposites of the magnet. And so, to answer your question, I don't have any friends except you... at the moment." I finally raise my drink, and we clink glasses.