EXES AND OH'S

Milkshake, Fries, Vanilla Ice Cream, and Butterflies

I gaze at my reflection one last time in front of the mirror before I head out. Levi's already waiting outside my apartment building. I seriously don't know why I even thought of hanging out with him again. It's not like I enjoy his company. 

Sure, last night was great but mostly it's because we were both stoned, drunk as a lord, and so fucking horny that we ended up having hot sex all night. And now that we're both sober as a judge and has about a ghost of a chance of getting in each other's pants, I don't think there's really a reason why I would want to waste my time with him. Not that I have anything to do tonight, it's just that all of this doesn't make sense.

Oh, fucking hell. Might as well give this friends and hang out thing with him a chance.

I turn sideways and look at my ass in the mirror. My ass cheeks are definitely peeking from the back crotch of my high-waisted denim shorts. And I'm just wearing a black and white plaid shirt over my gray Calvin Klein sports bralette, and Cherry Red Doc Martens. 

Do I look slutty? Trying too hard? I'm showing lots of legs and midriff and a whole lot more on the upper tits area and I certainly don't want Levi thinking that I'm trying to look sexy for him. But I have my period and I really feel hot all over like there's a coal furnace in my uterus.

As much as I celebrate womanhood, fuck menstruation. 

Periods are ridiculous. I shouldn't be punished for not being pregnant. And why didn't Mother Nature just let us girls emit fairy dust or anything that's rainbowy and sparkly coming out of our vaginas? That would have been really fun and cool. Imagine walking down the street and littering purple and pink glitters coming from your pussy? So rad. Guys will be nuts over it.

But hey, all that blood is what makes women so badass. We can bleed for a week straight without dying. Most guys I know, they get a papercut and they cry like a bitch. 

Fuck it, this outfit will do. Levi can stare at my tits and ass all night, he won't get into my panties any either way - not when there's a tampon up in my snatch where his dick's supposed to be. 

Boo-hoo, Levi. Boo-fucking-hoo.

I run downstairs and out of the main door. I see him right away and his green eyes meet my deep browns, and almost immediately his gaze switches from my face to my tits. If he wasn't looking so fucking hot right now in his faded stone washed jeans, The Lord of the Rings gray graphic tee,  and white chucks, I would have smacked him in the head already.

"Holy shit, Charlie. I got wood in my pants now." He beams like a chimpanzee, his cheeks flushing into a deep scarlet shade.

Wow. Could Sir Wacksalot be a little bit more subtle about his horniness? Levi and his Never-Limp-Bizkit definitely needs some kind of sexual Sabbatical. Seriously. Like, ASAP.

Jayzus Christ.

"Okay, first of all, I'm not dressed like this because I'm trying to look sexy or trying to seduce you," I start, widening my eyes at him. "I'm feeling so hot because I have my period. So you better stop with your shenanigans. My uterus is shedding and I will not hesitate to stab you if you try anything."

Levi snickers and slides his hands inside his jeans' front pockets. I eye him as he did, because I never know he might be grabbing his Peter and jacking on the low already as I stand in front of him. But no, he looks innocent. "Charlie, just because you have your period doesn't mean you get to be a bitch."

My jaws almost dropped to the floor. Not a good five minutes in since I saw him and here this asshole is making me blow my lid again. I cross my arms and raise an eyebrow at him. "Oh okay, Levi. Just because you have a dick, doesn't mean you can be one!" Ugh. This fucking dickwad! Levi's mother should have had her period thirty years ago. Instead, she had him. Fucking tragic.