EXES AND OH'S

I'll Be Over You

I open the door and see Kurt all sweaty and out of breath, wearing bright blue spandex shorts, a matching running hoodie, Nike sneakers, and white workout headbands and wrist bands. Was he out jogging? On a Friday night? This mother is straight-up crazy, but I love him. 

"Are you panting because you jogged here all the way from 1986?" I make fun of Kurt, opening the door and letting him in. He totally looks like an 80's aerobics instructor.

"Oh, hey girl, you got a blow-out! I'm so living for that straight silver hair!" He gushes and goes straight to the kitchen to drink from the tap.

"Yeah, I got really curious to know all the fuss about getting blown is." I do a hair-flip and twirl sideways.

Kurt chuckles and eyes me up and down, checking out my outfit for my going-away party — a super see-through mesh shirt with black lace bra underneath, super tight black leather shorts, and chunky black boots. 

"Slut, party of one!" He mockingly hollers, his hands on the sides of his mouth. "Damn, Charlie, the hell is that outfit for? You're definitely gonna get a thousand 'hola chicas' from those nasty ass cat-callers before you even get to Castello!"

"It's an 80's themed party! And I'm kinda going for a Debbie Harry look. You know, Blondie? Well, the sluttier version." I explain, chortling doing a pouty smug smile. "And this — this is my suck-it revenge outfit for Levi!"

I told Kurt last night about that whole sexual debacle with Levi inside the copy room. Kurt was telling me that Lieutenant Asshat did what he did because he was still angry and jealous, and that Levi and I should talk instead of doing angry sex. But I stopped Kurt and decided to just drop the whole conversation. I got so flaming mad too while we were talking about everything that happened, and now I'm just hell-bent on getting back at Levi. 

The fuck he think he is? Levi might have proved yesterday that I'm still crazy horny for his dick, but I could totally do the same to him — hence this whole sizzling hot, risqué outfit. And besides, I'm not just the slut assistant now. I'm my own fucking boss. I mean, that's what success is for, to say suck it to people who dumped you and made you feel like total trash.

"I have a cool new hairstyle, I'm moving to LA with a fancy new job, I'm young and hot and single," I go on, sassily bobbing my head as I speak like I'm a 90's Def Jam rapper. I'm literally singing Hey Fuck You by the Beastie Boys in my head. "And when I see Levi tonight, I'm gonna give him my suck-it face! Like, yo, Levi, see my blown-out hair? Suck it! See my cool new job? Suck it! See my tits in this cool mesh shirt? Hell, you wish you could suck it!"

Kurt laughs and rolls his eyes to the back of his head. "Alright, Hollaback Girl, I think you totally missed the part where you say booyah on that whole yo momma you tryin' to pull off. But I mean, okurrr, whatever makes you happy." He then turns to go to the fridge and grimaces. "Jesus Christ! There's so much mold in this apple pie it's gonna need a frickin' pap smear!" He pulls out the leftovers of the apple pie he bought for me two weeks ago and dumps all of it in the trash.

I know Kurt's trying to throw a subtle rap at the knuckles at me again for acting like such a mess. Shit, my whole apartment actually looks like a dumpster. And the irony is, Kurt's now the one who's getting his shit together.

A few days ago, he visited his mom who's living in New Jersey to let her know that he's moving to LA, and then she actually gave him money for his brand new start. Kurt was real happy to have reconnected with his mom and that they've made amends. That really did something to him, he told me it felt like... closing a grim chapter in his life, and moving on to write an entirely new one. He looks brighter and has a more positive outlook in life now. And I'm really happy to see him finally get out of that dark place where he hid himself almost all his life. He's now more comfortable being who he actually is. He's already starting with his amazing journey towards self-discovery. I'm just so proud of Kurt.