EXES AND OH'S

Silver Nina, A Bunch of Frat Boys, and Gandalf

"What strain is this?" I ask Levi as I lie myself comfortably on the couch. Fuck, I'm so satiated from all that greasy Chinese food. And now I feel super horny. Getting high with Levi is definitely not a good idea. Stupid me should have realized that first.

"Silver Nina," he leans his back against the base border of the couch. I made him sit on the floor. You know, keeping a safe distancia amigo. "You like it?" Levi stretches his legs and turns his gaze at me.

I snort and hand him the joint as I slowly puff out smoke from my lips. "It's okay." I lie. This strain is so gnarly. "Why do they name strains like lady porn stars, though? So there's Silver Nina, Riley Kush, Silver Cindy, Snow Ryder. It's crazy." See? I'm horny. I'm thinking and talking about porn right now.

"I don't know, man." He takes a drag and keeps it in his lungs. "How do you think they should name it?"

I look up at the ceiling and fix my gaze up on the cracked lines that looked like a pussy slit. Yep, definitely horny. "They should name it after regular guys, or maybe they could like do all-American frat boy names? And then put some sort of funny stereotype description to it. That will be fun."

Levi folded his knees and turned to face me. Jesus wept. He looks fairly stoned, too. "Yeah? Like how?"

I move up a little and rest my head against the armrest. "Like, say, Brett: Says 'bro' way too much, Rob: Only owns 'Sperrys' and plaid shorts, Dylan: Always too loud. Always too much, Alex: The scrawny kid who just wants to look like a 'Dylan', Toby: Secretly in love with Alex, Abe: The type of guy who smiles creepily at every girl he meets."

"Fuck, Charlie, that's actually funny," he chortles and sucks the Cheese Pringles powders off his thumb and index finger. 

Holy shit, I think I just creamed in my panties.

"What about," Levi went on, deep in thought with a huge, stoned smile up on his face. "Alright, this one, Jacob: Can't chug a beer, Ethan: The people pleaser. Loves 'Gilmore Girls', Matt: The only thing he knows how to do is play Flip Cup, Sebastian: The snob who thinks he is tough shit because his dad owns Walmart."

I laugh with him and think of more names. "And then... John with an H: Draws on his abs, Jon without the H: HATES John with the H."

Levi chuckles and holds up his index finger. "Owen: Cried during Toy Story 3, loudly, Jackson: Captain of the football team. Got a girl pregnant last week, Brent: Shaves his chest hair, Trent: Super hot and super racist, Derek: Never shuts up about his Rolex, Hunter: Amateur porn star."

"Okay, I have more," I giggle and scrape my throat. "Pete: Sexts creepy pick up lines to girls he just met, Bryson: Has an American flag bathing suit, Jack: Knows all the words to 'Part Of Your World' from The Little Mermaid."

"Zach: Literally charms the pants off of girls one day at a time."

I stop from laughing right away, my face falling serious all of a sudden. And realizing what just happened, Levi looked down on the floor.

"Shit, Charlie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"Yeah, no, that's okay." I feign a smile and take the joint from him for another hit.

Levi takes a deep breath and nervously nibbled on his lower lip. "So, is that fucker the reason why you're still single?" He asked, and I see genuine concern in his eyes.