EXES AND OH'S

Ich Gehöre Dir

"Was that, um—"

"Yeah, it's... it's him. It's Günter." I mumble and chew on my bottom lip, slipping my phone into the back pocket of my shorts. I move my gaze away from the ocean and turn around to face Levi, leaning my back against the rustic chalet balustrade from the master's bedroom's huge balcony area.

Levi and I are back in his dad's place in Malibu. It's a few minutes past nine o'clock, and I just got off the phone with my almost nonexistent boyfriend who's still in Florida. We were talking for a while, him just asking how I've been, what I was doing, and to tell me that he had to stay one more week in Miami because of work — like usual. Günter apologized, and I said it's okay, even if it totally wasn't. Everything is so not okay. My guilty conscience is eating me up from the inside every second that I'm cheating on him with Levi.

I don't want to say this, and believe me, I'm so fucking ashamed of myself... but I now know and understand why people cheat. There's just an unexplainable high someone gets from this. It feels so exciting, dangerous. It feels so right even if it's so fucking wrong. And despite all that shame, I still want to spend more time with Levi. 

He's bound to leave LA — me, soon, and I don't know how the heck we can make it work out because we'll eventually be three thousand miles apart. It will be so hard not to be together, especially in the physical aspect of our relationship. I love it when he's beside me... cuddling me, holding me, kissing me, making love to me. I'm gonna miss Levi so much.

Anyway, so I told Günter all about Tim being taken back to the hospital, and he sounded genuinely worried. He told me he'll help out sort things for my dad once he gets back. Not sure what he meant by that, but it's really sweet, kind and thoughtful of him to care about my dad. But Tim's okay, I don't think he needed help. He totally looked fine earlier tonight. And besides, he promised me he won't let cancer kill him. I know my dad will live to keep his promise, he always does.

"You alright?" I ask Levi, who's turned quiet all of a sudden. We were just laughing and fooling around half an hour ago before I got on the phone with Günter. He might be feeling jealous again. I know he's trying hard not to show it, but he's failing miserably — and he looks cute and abysmally fucked all at the same time.

Levi turns away from me to sit on the huge wicker couch with cream-colored cushions. "Yeah, I'm — I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?" He tries for a little smile, but it fades almost instantly.

"Are you feeling jealous again?" I walk up to him and sit sideways on top of his lap, resting my arm around the back of his shoulders and lightly grazing my fingers on the back of his neck. Levi responds to my touch by running his palm from my knee to the top of my bare thighs. "Come on, tell me."

"Okay... Maybe I am a teeny-tiny bit jealous. But, hey, if there's anyone to get to feel this way, shouldn't be me," he smiles smugly and tilts his head up a little for a kiss. "Cause you're here with me, and now I really feel like I'm the luckiest guy in the world." 

I simper and look down on the floor while running my fingers through Levi's soft curly mane. "Well, um. Not really," I mutter, blinking profusely. "I mean, you're... the other guy. And I actually wanted to apologize for putting you in this position."

Levi twitches his mouth then bites on his bottom lip. "That's fine. I don't mean it's alright, like, not in the sense that what we're doing is okay. But, what I probably meant was, I'll have you... any way I can have you. In whatever possible fucking way, Charlie. I — I mean it." He whispers before my lips.