EXES AND OH'S

Shark Week

"Charlie!" Dan hollered as I stepped out of the elevator, waving and smiling at me like a lunatic.

Christ on a cracker. 

Everything about Dan is just so annoying; his squeaky man-boy voice, his really thick and ridiculous square-framed eyeglasses, his creepy smiles and stares, his super flat, greasy, and shiny hair that's brushed to one side. He's also super tall and super awkward and couldn't really follow simple instructions. 

You know that sea lion Gerald from Finding Dory? If he was a real human being, he'd be Dan. 

This kid really pushes my buttons real bad. And it doesn't help that I'm already an hour late for work which never happens, I'm currently I'm suffering from a terrible headache, and it's the first day of that inevitable time of the month - the most natural thing that occurs amongst women but is still considered taboo in many cultures and conversations: menstruation. 

Call it whatever you like: Shark Week, Visit from Aunt Flo, Crimson Tide, Red Wedding, Carrie, Riding the Cotton Pony, The Red Baron - just don't call it dirty blood because it definitely isn't that. The irony is, people love blood and gore. But they don't like the idea of female blood. It's actually the only source of blood that is not traumatically induced. Yet in modern society, this is the most hidden blood, the one so rarely spoken of and almost never seen, except privately by women.

Alright, Gloria Steinem, I think that's enough feminist talk for today.

"What?" I drawled at Dan, slowly turning my head to look at him. 

"Um, Levi Steinmetz wants you in his office. Stat." He mumbles with one of his signature creepy Hannibal Lecter smiles. I walk past Dan and trod through the end of the hall to my desk.

Ugh. Stat my ass. What does Levi want now? I throw my bag on top of my swivel chair and head straight to Levi's office. 

Before he left last night, I told him not to make a big deal of everything - and just act casual. Surely, he's capable of that because he's fucked so many girls already and I know he's not the type of guy anyway that would want a girl clinging onto him like a gecko after a night of rough and wild sex.

Yes, last night was wild indeed. I had orgasms like I never did before. Levi was really, really great in bed. He had lots of practice anyway, so the bar was really high. But he delivered, nonetheless. Oh, how he delivered.

If we hadn't used up all the three condoms he had in his wallet, I would have asked for more. I had plenty of rubbers in my bedside drawer but they've been there for a good two years now. They might be expired already and shit, and I definitely wouldn't risk doing the ole' pulling out that game weak. No fucking way.

I push the door open to Levi's office and I see his pretty face right away, as if he was also headed outside and we have both been caught by the door at the same time.

He pulls me in, pins me against the back of the door, and leans in for a heated kiss. 

As shocked as I was, I found myself kissing Levi back for a hot minute - me running my hand through his soft, curly hair, him pressing his body against mine, me lowering my hands to grope and feel his hard-on, and him covering my soft moans with his lips. 

But when my bleeding vagina started to smack and hit me into complete utter sense, I pulled back and shoved Levi away from me immediately.

"Hi," he greeted with a naughty grin up on his face, his minty breath brushing my lips.