EXES AND OH'S

Mr. Brightside

"So, Charlotte, how are you enjoying our first date so far?" Levi asks. I bet he's doing this thing again where we pretend we don't know each other. He hands me a bottle of beer and sits beside me on his couch that can seat probably up to a hundred people.

We're hanging out at his loft in Manhattan. And it's not the first time I've been here. Levi always throws these crazy and wild Halloween and New Year's Eve parties, and Jesse always asks me to go every single time for the past three years. And Levi's place, is the ultimate bachelor's dream — high ceilings, ultra huge and super comfortable couches, vast floor space, banging entertainment system, fancy light fixtures, lots of random hipster and cool guy man-cave stuff hanging on all the tall and polished gray and white walls. This fucker even has his own bar filled with different kinds of alcohol and cocktail mixers. All that fancy booze and he gives me a bottle of beer. Wouldn't complain though, I've had enough wine earlier at the restaurant and honestly I'm really craving for my usual nightcap.

I take the bottle of Bud Light and take a huge gulp before I answer his question. "First of all, Levi," I begin, pointing my index finger at him while I hold my beer. "You don't ask a girl how you're doing on your first date. 'Cause we girls never say it's terrible. We just say bullshit things to feed your ego like, 'oh, I'm having a blast', 'you're so fun to be with', 'this is probably the best date night'. Things like that." I scoff and narrow my eyes at him. Though, to be honest, I'm loving every bit of the time we shared tonight — except that part where Brian showed up, of course.

"And you don't get to act all bitchy, pedantic, and hairsplitting on the first date, too," he takes a quick glance at me. "It kills a guy's boner."

I look at Levi's crotch and check out if his boner has really died out. "Nah, yours is still angry, alive, and kicking." I tip my head to the side and just stare a few seconds more at his amazing bulge, chuckling as I feel the alcohol quickly seeping in through my veins.

"Well, that white lace lingerie thing you're wearing under your jeans is showing half of your tits. What do you expect? And can you throw a blazer on? God, Charlie, you're making me so fucking hard right now." Levi looks down on his groin, covers his wood with a throw pillow, and sits in a manspreading position. Like it will stop the rush of blood to his penis? This dumbass.

"I can't wear a blazer, I'll get my tattoo irritated or something. Just tell your Johnson to chill out and take a cold shower." I smile and bite my lip, then scoot down to unclasp the buckle of my strappy nude heels. "And this is not a lingerie I'm wearing, you idiot. It's called a bodysuit."

"If it's lace and sexy and daring, it's a lingerie." Levi insists, and I roll my eyes for the thousandth time tonight. 

I stand up and walk barefoot towards the vintage record player, and beside it stands a guitar rack that holds two acoustic types, two electric guitars, and a bass guitar. "Do you play these? Or you're one of those dumb poser types who has their guitars on display only to impress chicks?"

Levi snorts and stands up. He removes his tailored jacket and throws it on top of the couch.  "Yeah, I'll just show you. But you have to promise not to fall in love with me." He quips. Well, too late for that, bud. That ship named S.S. Loveboat that's been solely manned by Captain Charlie Bianchi has sailed for quite a while already. And now, the poor captain is so fucking lost and wandering off to the edges of the earth. 

He walks towards me and looks me in the eye. "What do you want me to play?"

"I don't know, Frank Zappa. Show me your mad skills." I lift an eyebrow and do a finger quote, taunting him. Though I know for a fact that Levi indeed knows how to play the guitar.