EXES AND OH'S

Jagged Little Pill

So here's some sudden change of plans. Instead of us having dinner at my condo, we're back at Levi's dad's shabby chic beach house up in Piedra Gorda Canyon — which is totally fine, because Kurt and I just found out from our building management that we're not allowed to have parties in our unit if we didn't do a three-day notice. Boo.

And here I am at Big Rock Beach with Levi, just chillin' and waiting for everyone else to come down from his dad's place. We just finished setting up fancy solar lamps where we're gonna do a rustic beach dinner spread. Apparently, bonfires are not allowed in this part of Malibu, as well as smoking. And it's kind of a huge bummer because I really wanted to get high as a fucking kite tonight. Hmm. Maybe later, I'll get high and drunk while doing some horny dancing under the stars.

It's a really fine California summer night — clear, starry skies, the smell of salt in the air, the sound of the gentle waves lapping on the shore. But my mind is like my Google browser right now; about twenty tabs are open, I absolutely have no idea where the music is coming from, three of them are frozen, four of them are loading searches for 'how to get away with cheating on your hot Austrian boyfriend', five of them are streaming porn fantasies of Levi and me doing it on the beach, or while out on the water, skinny-dipping. My head is a frickin' mess right now and getting high is the easiest solution I can come up with to take the edge off me.

Somewhere out here on the beach, 'Dancing in the Moonlight' by Toploader is faintly playing, and I really want to dance because I'm currently on a sugar high from eating Levi's half pack of strawberry Twizzlers. But I couldn't move, fuck, I couldn't even shimmy my shoulders or bop my head to the music because Levi's head is comfortably rested on top of my bare thighs while I'm sitting shit-still on the sand. It's like I have a really clingy cat curled on top of me. Ugh. 

From the corner of my eye I see Kurt already marching down towards us, carrying two huge ice boxes filled with different kinds of booze. His boyfriend Carlos is behind him, holding cocktail shakers and trays of bruschetta that he and Kurt made from scratch.

"Nice shorts, Kurt. Those are surprisingly low-waisted." Levi lifts his head up a little and pays Kurt a compliment.

"Eyes up here, Levi. I'm more than just a piece of ass." Kurt winks, already a little out of breath.

"Hey, aren't we gonna do something?" I glare down at Levi, giving him a nonverbal cue to get up and help Carlos and Kurt carry stuff and arrange our food.

Knucklehead sits up, gives me a confused look, and then leans down to kiss me. 

I quickly shove his chest away and widen my eyes at him. "No, I wasn't asking for a kiss, you moron! I was saying get your ass up so we can help set the food!" I scoff and roll my eyes. This twit thinks he's the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, or Eric Cartman from South Park who's so spoiled-rotten, he just lays down waiting for his servants to prepare his food for him — like a frickin' five-year-old kid!

"Oh, that. Okay." Levi finally stands up, smiling at me innocently, which just annoyed the hell out of me even more. Dear Lord, how clueless is this dude? Why, Hésus, why? Why did I fall in love with this turkey?!

I scowl at Levi, trying so hard not to get into a full-on bitch mode. "Duh, yeah. My God, Levi, who raised you?"

He just laughs at me and leans down for another quick kiss. "You're thorny and hormonal again. Come on, let's jazz this place up." He helps me get up and I pat away the sand from the crotch area of my teeny-tiny board shorts, and I think there's some sand caught inside my bikini-bottoms. So if Levi's planning to eat my pussy later, he better get ready to get some sand in his mouth too. Hell, he might even get to build me a friggin' sandcastle.