I DON'T CARE - Kai Parker

𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲-𝐨𝐧𝐞

(warning) - depressive talk, feeling worthless and suicidal

Portland 23rd June - 1993 

In her paranoid mind no body could be trusted, always not knowing where to go from her darkness and sorrow in her mind; feeling completely broken and so mad that she wanted to scream out loud from being a failure and failing her family.

Perhaps she was always going to be broken forever -- won't find love, won't find happiness. She's angry, confused and doesn't feel safe -- wishing to not become what she was made.  She was ruined.

It was pouring down in rain and she had ran to the Parker house after seeing the black wolf lurking in the shadows, watching her every movement.  Wet blonde hair cascading down her slender back, it was hard to tell the difference from the rain and her tears. 

Whatever it takes; happiness will find her.   Yet it took a lot of courage to actually believe so deep down, always and forever.. she will keep searching and waiting for the perfect chance.

Her shaky hand couldn't exactly stop shaking to put the key in the keyhole of the door, every little thing made her anxious and she felt stupid from not easily opening a door.  Exhaling slowly, trying again and she succeeded.  

Apart of her felt another presence watching her from behind -- that feeling you have when you are in a horror film and feeling eerie because your back is in an empty dark space of evilness.   Gulping anxiously and then opening the door and rushing inside, the lights were off in the house. 

Nose red and running from being in the cold air; her fingertips completely numb and frozen, the feeling of blood was not lingering in the skin.  Rain was dripping off of her bare skin on her arms and legs, she rushed upstairs and needed warmth from her bed covers.

Quietly opening the door as Lizzie was not sure if Jo was sleeping or not but to her surprise Jo was sitting wide awake in her bed, looking rather worried.  Jo noticed Lizzie's presence and had a shocked, sad expression. 

"Where were you, Liz?" a worried tone was let out of Jo's lips. 

Lizzie did feel bad for making her best friend worry and not get a good night sleep.   Jo got up and gave the soaking girl a towel to dry herself off.   "Let me explain" Lizzie had then spoken up to break the awful silence between the two. 

The black haired girl nodded and sat back down on her bed and soon after Lizzie sat down as well, fingers in her lap while she fiddled with them.  Lizzie had the towel wrapped around her and Jo rubbed her shoulders in comfort after seeing her friend cry without knowing the reason yet. 

"You've been so distant recently Lizzie.. are you okay?" Jo's eyebrows were furrowed as she spoke to her crying best-friend. 

Lizzie's mind immediately went back to the night of Kai murdering Jackson in front of her while she was there held against her will; would Jo notice her disappearance from the time of the murder from what the police reckons the time of murder was? 

She shook her head as if to say 'no' and Jo brought her friend in a big hug -- letting her know she was here for her -- rubbing her skin softly to calm her down, Lizzie was breaking down and she had no control of stopping the tears escaping her eyes. 

Lizzie couldn't find the confidence to speak up but then gathered it after a minute or two of silence, sniffling was the only thing heard from her.  "I'm broken inside- I.. I can't live like this anymore" letting out broken sobs as she spoke.

Jo's heart broke at hearing how her friend truly felt -- she was afraid of what she'd do to herself if she was not supervised.  Little did they know Kai was listening from outside the bedroom door and felt a bang in his heart from hearing how Lizzie felt, did he cause this? Did he ruin her? 

Loud sobs leaving Lizzie's lips and Jo was crying as well from seeing her friend break down like this without no body knowing how she truly felt until now. Jo hushed in her ear to calm her down and help her control her breathing to not make herself have a panic attack.

Both of their eyes stung from the tears falling from their watery eyes and Lizzie kept rubbing her eyes to stop from making them sting as much.  Lizzie felt comfort and love from Jo for the first time in her life and felt safe in her arms. She felt like she could take on the world with her by her side. 

They both pulled away from each other and laughed at each other's faces puffy and full of tears, wiping each other's tears away. Jo put Lizzie's hair behind her ear and looked deeply in her eyes with much love.

Jo kept looking down to Lizzie's lips and then back to her eyes and Lizzie saw this and blushed, she felt like this was wrong but it felt so right at the same time. Lizzie's eyes twinkled with happiness and felt glad she had met Jo, Jo saved her in her dark times.

A silence was erupting in the room and Jo slowly leaned forwards, her heart beating so fast and she slowly closed her eyes as she continued moving forwards. Jo's soft lips were placed against Lizzie's plump and wet ones from the rain, the blonde girl was still and stopped breathing in place.

Lizzie did love Jo but not the same way that Jo loved her; it was a crush, no.. more than that, it was love. The Evans' girl didn't find any attraction to girls but only boys, of course when she was little she was confused with her sexuality just like any other teenagers, you just had to experiment. 

A last single tear left Lizzie's eyes as she felt bad; Jo loved her, it hurt her heart deeply from thinking of hurting her friends feelings. 

The sound of their lips disconnecting was heard through the room and Jo looked worried for a second to see Lizzie crying but shook it off as one of her old tears, Jo's heart was beating rapidly against her ribcage from losing her first kiss to her love.

Lizzie furrowed her eyebrows and looked at Jo in shock, she felt so horrid.  Jo took this as a bad sign and was automatically assuming the worst. The black haired girl had just thought that their long friendship was now ruined by a decision she had just made in a quick second of thought. 

"I'm.. so sorry" Jo said that and had left the room in a hurry, shaking her head and a hand placed over her mouth as she let out loud sobs while going downstairs.  Jo had ignored Kai's presence from outside the door leaning against the wall. 

Lizzie was left there stunned, alone and confused.

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