Dear Katharine

December 1, 20xx

Dec. 1, 20xx
9:59 P.M.

Dear Diary,
                  I got back to school today. Apparently, I have earned a terrible reputation to the nuns and teachers, but many head-nods from my peers. I have never been paid so much attention until today. They told me I knocked Brad too hard, he still hasn't returned to school yet. Some told me Brad might even quit school because of me which I secretly hope he wouldn't because I now feel bad for him. All the older cool girls would greet me and even the guys laugh when they see me calling me “babaeng Pacquiao”. Is this what it's like to be cool?
                   Alexa dropped out of school already. There are rumors circulating she moved out of their house last Friday and nobody knows where she is. Hearing about her unfortunate demise somehow made me forget how sorry I'm for humiliating Brad.
                  Mr. Santos commended me about the artwork I posted the other day. He said he was so glad I have been using my skills to express myself. He made me feel so proud. But when I told him I wanted to be an artist one day, Mr. Santos frowned.
                “I pursued my passion over practicality when I was entering college,” he told me with a look of regret on his face. “But now I don't get to do my passion as much as I though I would because I have to work.”
               “Why don't you sell your artworks?”
               “It's not as easy as you think it is, Claire. Unless you work abroad, you can barely feed yourself if you want choose your passion as your career.”
               The next teacher came in so we ended our conversation there. It's sad to hear those words come out from him. I know he meant well, but I felt discouraged. I still think he is one of my kindest teachers.
               In fact, he is the only kind teacher that remained. The rest of the comments I had from the nuns and other teachers are  how I have changed for the worse, that I'm in bad company with Jenna even if just yesterday some of them joined the rally for her and her brother's justice. I don't understand them. Adults are so weird. I do hope I will never be like them.
                Anyway, I had been following artists online, and I kind of regret following them. It's just that they're so good and I'm not even half as good as they are. Seeing their works makes me feel like I'm not good enough. More than anything, I wish to be as good as they are but I can't help myself from being so insecure.
                 Aside from sadness (possibly depression, except I'm not clinically diagnosed), I realize, insecurity is crippling too. It cripples me from pursuing my dreams and the things I love because it empowers that self-doubt inside me.
                 But  I remember how good it feels to draw lines, to add color to a sketch, to tell a story through art and hopefully, bring change using the same. I remember how powerful I feel when I draw, how happy I'm when I see my drawings come to life. I feel like every stroke I make, I can create a world of my own, a far better world than where I live in. I feel like I can stay in my own creation like what the wife of Leonardo DiCaprio in Inception wanted. No matter how impossible and absurd all these sound, I feel like I can escape from earth and enter heaven already. Do I sound crazy?
                Although, there is this force that drives me to bring the world I created to the real world, to make them come true and not stay only in my head and in my drawings.
                Aha! I have just been inspired to draw something that I earnestly pray to change this crazy place. I plan to finish it tonight. Although, I'm feeling a little lazy, so  I might finish this tomorrow.
               Good night.