Dear Katharine

September 06, 20xx

TRIGGER WARNING:  this entry could be a trigger. If you feel like your mental health could be affected, I advise you to read no further.

September 06, 20xx
9:40 P.M.

Dear Kath,

                  I wasn't able to write yesterday because we've been shopping for your brother's gift. Malls are always jam-packed on weekends so it took us the whole day and the traffic was  terrible, so we spent hours commuting before we arrived home.

                   A while ago, we celebrated your kuya's birthday. He is already sixteen, can you believe it? I knew him ever since he was like seven. I sound like an old person, but I'm definitely younger than he is.

                  He changed a lot. He grew taller than me, which is good, but the rest of his changes are quite unsettling. His eyes have lost their once hopeful and endearing look. Instead, when you stare at them, it will pierce through your soul and straight to your thoughts. But he remains insensitive to other people's feelings unless he truly cares for them or needs something from them. His annoying smile has become rare. But even when he beams, it has a hint of sadness to it which will infect you with his loneliness. Don't worry, he is still the most handsome guy at school, but no longer the brightest one in his class according to Tita Car.

              As usual, I asked him what goals has this year before he turns seventeen. Last year he answered that he wanted to smoke and get drunk and the year before, his target was to kiss a girl before his next birthday. I laughed at him then because his goals were always silly to me. But this time, he said he doesn't know. I inquired which strand is he going to take for senior high. He answered the same way.

                  I don't know what happened to him. The celebration wasn't as fun as it used to. It feels like we are still mourning. We tried to lighten up the mood, but to no avail. We went home feeling dreadful. It was like you weren't the only one who died, Kath. It felt like they died with you. I hope we're back to who we were. Life sucks without you.
  
                   I remember when you turned seven your mom prepared a typical Filipino children's birthday party attended by atleast fifty people. She arranged the colorful pabitin*, the pukpok-palayok* and the palaro* that require music to play such as stop-dance, paper-dance and trip-to-Jerusalem. But the day before the celebration you complained about not being able to join the games because you'd be wearing a gown, so you insisted that every child who would like to participate must wear gowns too. But when Tita Car suggested that you would just change your outfit, you didn't agree because it will exhaust you. You had always been maarte*, so Tita Car bought this Hawaiian skirts that all kids even the boys wore during game time. Parents who were watching couldn't stop laughing and taking pictures at us.

                I also remember, when my birthday came, Mama didn't have the money to celebrate the way you did because Papa hasn't worked abroad yet. Mama only planned on having a simple dinner where she would cook pansit. When I had told you about our financial situation, you lent me the dress you wore on your birthday, and we played by ourselves that day. I really appreciated that.

                I wish those days would just come back. If I could only turn back the time, I'll relive those moments.

*
Pabitin - a game where there are prizes hanging from a rack that will be lowered down to a crowd who will try to pull whatever items they can.
Pukpok-palayok -piñata
Palaro - games
Maarte -picky