Dear Katharine

September 08, 20xx

TRIGGER WARNING:  This entry could be a trigger as the character may suggest a poor mental state. If you feel like your mental health could be affected, I advise you to read no further.

September 08, 20xx
2:48 A.M.

Dear Kath,

                  I feel so terrible today. I want to cry for no apparent reason. To be honest with you, there are reasons, but I don't think they're things I should cry about. I don't believe it is even sound that I'm concerned about them, and once I tell you, you'll consider me weird. You'll most likely laugh when you hear them instead of sympathizing with me.

                   I cry because things don't go my way. I cry because since you've been gone, everything is changing so fast and I could not stop it. I cry because the Philippines is a crazy place to be in. I cry because I know I have no right to cry because there are other people suffering more than I do. I cry because I'm a woman and God wants me subjected under a man. I cry because if I were a man, I would be pressured by the heavy expectations of society to be strong. I cry because I imagine if I were gay or lesbian, God would be displeased with me. I cry because Adam and Eve ate the apple. I cry because God allows terrible things happen to good people. I cry because what if the God I believe in isn't the true God after all? I cry because I don't know what to believe in anymore. I cry because life is not what I thought it was, and whatever terrible notions I have about it are worse than I expected.

                    I don't think I should share them to anyone but you. To be honest, I wouldn't tell you any of this even if you were alive. It's too embarrassing to say whatever comes in my head. I'm drowning in my thoughts and I don't know whom to cry for help.

                   The only escape I have is when I talk to Rob. Sometimes, I think the only real reason that I like him is because of his looks and my romanticized beliefs about him, which are superficial, to say the least. But he's super nice and sensible. Honestly, I also feel the only reason I wish we'd be together is because other girls would envy me. So it's all about how cool that would be if it would come true.

                    Am I crazy for having these thoughts? Have you ever felt the same way? I stopped reading your diaries since I read terrible things you've written about me. I never thought that's how you perceived me when we were young. And I can't believe your harsh words would affect me that much. But I guess this is one of those days when I just feel miserable. I hope it is. Imagine if this is my entire life.

                   Anyway, I'll just watch some YouTube videos. They might help me cast these thoughts away and cheer me up.

A/N: Hi guys! Since September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, I hope your mental health is doing well. If any of you need help or need someone to talk to, contact any of the following:

1. UP Pahinungod e-mail address: psp.updpahinungod@gmail.com
2.UP PsycServ signup sheet: https://t.co/phm27PAD34 /   psycserv.upd@up.edu.ph / 09167573157 / 8981-8500 loc. 2496
3.UP HS https://t.co/JxbUF8O59l / 9818500 loc. 111
4. The National Center for Mental Health crisis hotline - 0917-899-USAP (8727); (02) 7-989-USAP.
5. Hopeline PH's 24/7 hotlines:
0917-558-4673 (Globe)
0918-873-4673 (Smart)
02-88044673 (PLDT)
2919 (toll-free for Globe and TM)