Hermitcraft Randomness - S7 Oneshots

Incorrect Quotes Part 6

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Back with another one of these! Credit this time around goes to muffinheadhalo and sapnaps_skechers on Instagram, incorrect quote generators, as well as some various DSMP clips :D)

Bdubs: Hi Doc, you're amazing today!
Doc: Oh, thank y—
Bdubs: HAHA APRIL FOOLS
Doc: Oh
Bdubs: YOU'RE AMAZING EVERY DAY
Doc, softly: Oh

Doc: Etho got me a "get better soon" card
Beef: Aw, that's nice!
Doc, scoffing: I wasn't sick, he just thought I could do better

Grian: If you spell "skeletons" backwards, it still spells "skeletons"!
Etho: Wow I can't wait for Halloween to see all the snoteleks

Mumbo: Chemistry? More like cheMYSTERY, because I have no idea what's going on
Iskall: Calculus? More like calKILLus, because a piece of my sanity dies with every question
Stress: Biology? More like BYEology, because I'm out
Grian: Math? More like no

Grian: I accidentally kicked Scar's kneecaps and I couldn't decide between "ARE YOU OKAY?" and "I'M SO FUCKING SORRY"
Grian: So I panicked and said "ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?"
Grian: Mumbo was watching and he's still on the floor dying of laughter

Joe: Sorry, that line was supposed to be straight
Cleo: Don't worry, so was I

Mumbo: Why am I still awake
Iskall: Why am I still
Stress: Why am I
Grian: Why

Mumbo: I have the height advantage
Grian: Your kneecaps don't

Iskall: So how's being a butler for Doc going?
Mumbo: Today he taped a plant to my back and told me to replace the oxygen I've been wasting

Doc: Did you actually tell Beef to throw a soda can at me??
Etho: Yeah
Doc: Well, he did it. And it fucking hurt
Etho: But it was a SOFT drink
Doc: ...I'm gonna murder you

Impulse: What did you do?
Zed: We'll tell you but you have to promise not to get mad
Impulse: What did you do...?
Tango: So first we were minding our own business
Impulse, slamming his hands on the table: BULLSHIT
Zed: WE WERE

Doc: I'm not sleep deprived
Bdubs: Are you sure about that?
Doc: Yes
Bdubs: Okay, tell the time
Doc: Okay
Doc, yelling at the clock: I'M NOT SLEEP DEPRIVED

X: I hope you two have an explanation for this
Cleo: Actually, we have three!
Joe: Pick your favorite

Etho, loading a Nerf gun with real bullets: IT'S NERF OR NOTHING—

Impulse, calling Tango: Hello?
Tango, picking up: The person you're calling is unavailable
Impulse: What—
Tango: Please leave a message after the tone
Impulse: But—
Tango: Beeeeep

Scar: You have no idea what I'm capable of!
Doc: I feel like I'm being threatened by a cupcake right now

Mumbo: Where's the gray concrete? I thought you went to Color Complete!
Grian: *mumbling*
Mumbo: What?
Grian: It was on the top shelf. I couldn't reach the top shelf

Bdubs: You don't actually wash your hands. They wash each other while you watch
Keralis, staring at his hands: O-oh

Etho: There's a monster under my bed and it's really ugly, someone help
Doc, on the bottom bunk: FUCK YOU

Grian: I usually get really flustered when someone compliments me. I panic and have no idea what to say
Scar: Oh, really? I like your hair today!
Grian, sweating: MERRY BIRTHDAY

Etho: When I die, I want you to carry my coffin
Doc: Wait, really? That's sweet—
Etho: So you can let me down one last time
Doc:

Grian: I'm so sorry I spilled salsa on you, Scar—
Grian: And I'm extra sorry that I picked it up with a chip

Flight attendant: Before we take off, please make sure that all small items are secured
Scar: *looks at Bdubs*
Bdubs: What?
Scar: Do you feel safe?
Bdubs: I will throw you off this plane

*False and Ren, looking for dogs to tame*
Ren: Hey, I know another word for dog!
False, hurriedly trying to keep it PG: PUPPY

Impulse: Ugh, the can opener is broken again
Tango: Now it's a CAN'T OPENER
Impulse: Get out

*Iskall and Mumbo, trying to make cereal*
Iskall: We're not gonna add the bag of spaghetti
Mumbo: But I really wanna add the bag of spaghetti
Iskall: But we're NOT gonna add the spaghetti. It would taste terrible
Mumbo: But I REALLY want to add the bag of spaghetti
Iskall, frustrated: No.

Grian: Atoms never touch, and since we are made out of atoms we have never touched, so no Mumbo, I did not just drop-kick Basil off the Pacific roof—

Grian: Time sensitive question how do I make new friends
Iskall: Throw rocks at them
Stress: Hot dog!
Mumbo: Kill them
Grian: Thanks guys

Zed: You're a lying, cheating, piece of shit! You betrayed me again, how could you?
Tango: I thought we were friends! But then you go and do this, I don't believe you!
Impulse, sliding the Uno cards away: Maybe we should stop playing

Doc, screaming: YOU MEAN A LOT TO ME
Bdubs: I—
Doc: YOU'RE ESSENTIAL TO MY EXISTENCE
Bdubs: Why are you screaming??
Doc: I HAVE DIFFICULTY EXPRESSING EMOTIONS! IT HELPS TO SAY SENTIMENTAL THINGS IN AN AGGRESSIVE MANNER
Bdubs:
Doc: I FUCKING LOVE YOU

Etho: In my defense, your honor, I simply do not vibe with the law

911 operator: 911, what's your emergency?
Impulse: My friends Zed—
911 operator: Zedaph and Tango?
Impulse: Yeah, how'd you know?
911 operator, sighing: The firefighters are on their way

Ren: Is this about me?
False: No
Ren: Then I've lost interest

Doc: Where are you going?
Etho: To get diamond popsicles or commit a felony. I'll decide on the way

Tango: THIS ISN'T GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN
Impulse: IT'S OKAY
Zed: WE HAD A PLAN??

Zed: What happens if I press the brake and gas pedal at the same time?
Tango: The car takes a screenshot
Impulse: Both of you, get out

Cleo: Sup guys, I'm back
Joe: How? You're dead. I saw you die. You should be dead
Cleo: Death is a social construct

X: What do you call a fish with no eye?
Joe: Myxine Circifrons
Cleo: Fsh

Keralis: xB, I'm sad
xB: *holds his arms out for a hug*
Bdubs: Doc, I'm sad too
Doc: Mood