Finding Him and Me

Chapter 73 - The Night We Met

"Arjun stop."

His movements freeze immediately.

In those few moments of absolute quiet I hear the ear-piercing noise of both our hearts shattering as I break the incorpeal moment we were creating, ruin the comforting closeness by rejecting him, yet again.

My hands drop from his neck back and unwrap his as well from my body. His breathing grows harsh, like he can't possibly reign his disappointment and anger.

"It's going to break me Arjun." I tell him hoping to heaven he understands.

Since his eyes are closed, I can't see the windows to his soul and know what he's thinking. "Every single time I've told you I love you, made perfectly clear my affections for you, my desires while supporting your decision to push them away and facing your constant denial, you have broken me Alia. But I'm still here, mad or you, because that is what love is. I know you're not being selfish, but it's fucking hard to see you so disconnected."

Rage simmers beneath my skin. "You're mad if you think I'm disconnected, even if there might be plenty evidence to prove it. But you know what? I won't fight my case. I'm actually quite happy to hear about my lack of reciprocation from the horse's mouth. Good for you. I hope the final fucking disconnection after tonight hurts less." Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. I hate you so much, I scream in my head.

Pushing him away, I grab my stuff and walk towards the door. Tears leak out of my eye, the ball of pain in my throat refusing to dissolve. Hell will freeze over before the utter agony of parting from him absconds me and he has the nerve to say I'm disconnected? Well, fuck you Arjun Khatri.

Of all the goodbyes I imagined between the two of us, I never imagined one so perfectly toxic. I know love is pain, but is it supposed to hurt so much? I dont want it to be this way. All our treasured memories pour into my mind and the reasons why I love him come to me like the lyrics of my favorite song.

He's my drive to love against peace, promise, hope, happiness, discouragement and above all, reason. He's my surprise and he's my cultivator. He brews my storms and calms them too. I pray for him and sin for him. I love him with all of my heart because he is my heart. Arjun's the him to my story, he's my him.

And I have to let him go.... What does that say about me? What does that mean for us?

A voice in my head suddenly bellows. Definitely not the death of us. Never.

My heart beats faster and faster and it feels like the memories in my mind slowly disappear into an ocean, slipping away as I exit the green room.

"Alia." I ignore him. My Heathcliff. Not because he's driving me crazy because I know he's my ruin. And I wish to avoid damnation. My fingers shake as I try to hold the handle of the door tightly, unlocking it before slowly pulling it open.

"Shut the door, Cinderella."

I shake my head, failing at words.

Heavy pounding of bare feet near me. "Stop fighting with me."

Oh hell no! "What do you want? A pound of my flesh? A repayment for your one-sided connection?"

"Shut your filthy mouth."

"Fuck you!"

"I will fuck you one day."

He did not just utter those words. My hand whips in the air, towards his face before the words have a chance to settle in the air.

Thwack. I land a sharp slap on his cheek hard enough that it leaves my palm burning and itching. "How dare you?" I spit through clenched teeth, incapable of reining my temper.