Finding Him and Me

Chapter 23 - Mood Swings In Full Swing

The drive home is a blurr.

I don't give into the temptation of mulling over that fucking jerk at any cost. Yet. I know I will at some point. Come up with articulately constructed, heart-piercing, brain-branding and vulgar sentences...., Just for him.

I walk into the house and stomp to my room. After yanking off my unbelievably tight clothing, I deliberately and loudly throw it around the room like a moody bitch. I pull on my loose comfy grey PJ's and leave the pink string in front untied. I hate tying it up. It's useless, especially since it already has a bloody elastic! And my grey NASA sweatshirt, obviously not in the mood to match my damn clothing.

I ask the maid to make a black coffee while ordering a Margherita Pizza, garlic bread, cheesy dip, choco lava cake and coke from Dominos.

My dad sees me sprawled across the sofa and asks, "What happened?"

"I'm pissed, annoyed and in a shit mood." I growl throwing a tantrum.

Perceptively realising that I'm in a mood, he rolls his eyes and leaves me frowning and oozing with temper.

My dad is the most sweet, understanding and tolerable human on the planet. Now had it been someone else, they would test my absent patience with unending questions until my fucking skull cracked, eyes bled and ear drums tore due to internal screeching..... But he, just left me. See! That's why girls love their dads.

I know what I'm doing right now.
Creepy analogy,
But it's like I just pushed out a baby from my (you know what) and it's completely expanded. And now, I'm contracting.

Which means that the whole Arjun ordeal was my pushing the kid pain and now, eating and pretending to have PMS is my contracting phase.

This is my coping mechanism. When shit happens in my life I do this. Wear loose comfort clothing, eat like a pig, watch TV, shower, read, listen to songs, sleep etc. Just slip into my brain-dead bubble and exist like a zombie until I'm ready to face- and understand my feelings.

What the motherfucking dickless fucktard did to my ego today will take bloody weeks to recover.

Before jumping to plan a double murder to end him, I switch on the television and choose a movie on Netflix. More torture. I have to much OCD that I can't choose jackshit without distroying half my brain cells..... I'm gonna cryyyyyyy.

So.. The Intern and The Parent Trap and my favourite movies, but I don't feel like watching either. I crave something violent, hilarious and sadistic-ish. Fast and Furious? Nahhh.

Ahhhh. Hobbs and Shaw. Perfect. Strong, handsome fuckers let their mouth run like crazy. Yes! Oh and let's not forget the sex appeal and the mind numbing fight sequences and action scenes.😂😂😂

The doorbell rings. I grab my pizza, tipping the runner and get my treasured food upstairs, settling down on the sofa with my coffee.

I hit play.

And just like that, I log out from my life. Till I'm mentally and physically ready to take it in. Dwayne Johnson's body and Jason Statham's voice (his voice is so hot. I can't) has my undivided attention. Ooo, and the pizza !

**********

It's close to half past four in the afternoon. I've done nothing except not using my head and loitering joblessly around the house. I do cat and camel pose a few times to lessen the big ponch on my stomach. Thankfully it works.

I make a "DONT TROUBLE ME" Sign with a red sharpie and stick it on the outside of my door before locking it. The thing is, the day I choose to be a pain in the ass to everyone, they invariably come at me. So precaution is essential to maintain sanity and avoid holes in the walls, fires (I do not have pyromaniac tendencies, but accidents happen!), unnecessary loud as hell screaming etc.

I switch on the fan, draw the curtains, take off my clothes and hit the bed.

Sleep comes soon.

***********

Fuck. What the heelllll. I groan. My head hurts a little and with squinted eyes I note the time from Alexa's lit screen. 2:45am.

I've been out for over 8 hours.

I groan again and roll out of bed. Time to think.

I get dressed and grab my ipod and earplugs, slipping it into my pocket. I arm myself with a hair-tie and sweater and go outside. It's cold. December is nice.

From the kitchen I take a 100g slab of Van Houten solid chocolate, a wet napkin, water and decide to go outside. On second thought a take the cordless phone too.

I quietly unlock all the 456 bolts on the main door and take a step outside, feeling like an intruder, sinner, lawbreaker and what not. For fucks sake! I cringe at myself.

The cold breeze hits me hard, making my nose chilly and red. I take a long deep breath, inhaling the calm air of the night. The sky looks more enchanting than ever before, reminding me of the Peter Pan story.

I slide back into reality, but a happy version of it. The clean and nice version, where things don't get ruined every two seconds.

I know I've been overreacting, with this whole thing. Its stupid, yet I allow it to get to me.

I climb up the marble parapet wall along the garden and gaze at the violet and baby pink sky. Arjun will have to face my wrath, and know I'm not going to let him behave however the hell he wants. I'm going to have the upper hand.

I take big bites of my chocolate and ease out as morning begins to show is rising signs. It's late, to call anyone, but I dial Noor's number without thinking.

The line disconnects after 15 unanswered rings. Whatever happened to - "I'm only a call away, even if its in the middle of the night."

And no sooner does that thought enter my mind than the phone rings.

Noor.

I bloody love her with my whole ass heart.

"Hi!" I whisper with a giggle.

"Alia Malhotra, I suggest you wear your spectacles and look at the clock." She huffs cutely. I miss youuuu.

"I miss you." I smile.

"Everyone misses me babe." She says through the phone and I know shes rolling her eyes.

"Something happened. At the rehearsal. With that bastard Arjun." I say finally.

"Oh my god! I'm listening!!!!!!" She practically jumps.

And I spend the rest of the night (morning) cursing Arjun and talking about everything with my best friend. It's gratifying.

**********

I know how I'm gonna face him. Very well.