Finding Him and Me

Chapter 76 - Finding Him

Bangalore is a city that makes you feel alive. Its a city that welcomes you and holds you. The weather is overwhelmingly wonderful and you never really feel out of place, because there is a place for everyone. Be it in one of the many mouthwatering idli joints dotted in every area, a cozy bookstore, a giant mall, by the lake, in a fancy hotel or corner house. Bangalore is my home and flying away from home is painful.

My mum holds my hand as she dozes beside me in the car on our way to the airport. Its a deathly cold morning in December, the atmosphere bleak, and I freeze in my jade jeans, ivory sweater, black knit coat and boots. The mist on the window sweats as the car zooms through the highways. Concepts of time and space evaporate.

I woke up an hour back with a pounding head, swollen eyes and ghastly face, that almost made me want to fall off the face of the planet. I stood under the shower for an age before fixing my appearance and getting dressed for the trip. I don't want to seem depressed in front of my parents and mom's parents when I reach Bikaner.

I feel disconnected from myself. Alia isn't Alia without that missing piece.

My face quivers at the thought and I divert my attention to the music pouring into my ears and the grey clouds outside rather than the thoughts in my head.

Upon entering Kempegowda International Airport, mommy dearest stirs awake and I take in her angelic face. I'm scared to be away from her during this tough period in my life. I'm used to being torn and confused but I'm not used to being torn, confused and heartbroken. I hug her for ten minutes straight and she hugs me back. She tells me to keep my phone and ID's safely and call her after check-in and security. I remind her that I've travelled solo many times before but she shuts me up with another cute little rant I don't quite follow. She smells like Chance Channel perfume and mommy. I cry.

*****

I hide behind my spectacles while the airport security scrutinizes my face. Does he notice I've been crying? Can he see the reasons?

I guess not, because he calls the next person and shoves my ticket into my pale palm. Okay.

I check in my big suitcase and grab my cabin bags. Here we go, I suppose. Craning my neck I look up at the ceiling, rolling my eyeballs, waiting for God's signal before heading for security. Hearing some commotion near the Indigo desks, I see what's happening but I catch a wisp of black and white and my heart drops.

He's here.

He's checking in.

For a fucked up second I think my fucked up mind is playing fucked up images of Arjun and I'm imagining him in the airport like a nut case, a few feet away from me looking stupid hot in his white tee and black jeans and dark glasses. I shake my head and as my eyes dilate through forced blinks, I realise its really him.

Fuck Fuck Fuck. Why is he here? My eyes scan the areas for his family but a quick check makes it clear that he's travelling solo like me.

I mean, I try to walk in the opposite direction as quickly as physically possible but my eyes. Gosh my foolish eyes that cant get enough of him. My formerly freezing body starts to warm. I curse my heeled boots for being incapable of holding me up on my feet.

I don't know if God's giving me one last chance to see him, right my wrong or punish me. I take in the soft brown waves of his silky hair, elegant neck, those fucking shoulders I'd lick, the manner in which the loose white fabric of his tee fits him so good, his tight ass, long legs and feet covered in converse shoes. I clench my eyes shut and fist my hands.

I need to go. I don't want to run away like a coward, but I need to run.

Seconds tick by and all at once I'm too late.