Finding Him and Me

Chapter 74 - The course of love never did run smooth

Warm and fuzzy. That's how it feels when my head is against his chest.

The rhythm of our heartbeats are in perfect sync. Fast some times, vulnerable during most times.

He smells like a heavenly forest after the rains. Sandalwood and a hint of cologne.

"Do you know why I keep asking you the music for your thoughts?" Arjun asks me, kissing my head repeatedly. He loves me. I love him back. Then why does it feel like we're miles apart from one another?

Remembering his question I answer confidently. "I do." The Shakespeare wuss turns cross eyed in awe at the perfect quotes the legend pens.

"Why?"

I whisper into his ear. "Because if music be the food of love give me the surfeit of it."

He moans lightly. "Quote Shakespeare for me."

I use the opportunity to reason with him. "The course of love never did run smooth."

Arjun stiffens but I don't regret it. "Stop."

"Okay."

"I know what you're trying to do. We've already had our share of ups and downs and there will always be reasons that cause friction in our relationship but we've got to try first Alia. There's no need to talk about it now." Holding my shoulders he pulls me at arms length.

"Why me?"

"There are many reasons. You look sexy as fuck in those tight leotards. Your ass begs for attention and the incredible proportion of your waist and thighs tosses every bit of my self control out of the window." The words tumble out of his mouth in a hurry.

My mouth hangs open in shock. "I'm 15 years old Arjun. Behave yourself."

He ignores me! Why does he ignore me? "You're spirited about what you do and don't run away from hardwork. I respect that. But more than anything, I can see and feel you love me past my shortcoming, history and accept me as a whole. That's why you're the one."

My heart skips several hundred beats and my eyes water. "Thank you." I reply.

He shakes his head and lick his lips.

Suddenly overcome by emotion, I let the floodgates of my mind open. "You're such a normal guy," I gasp wiping my wet face.

"Is that a compliment?" He asks slowly; skeptically, making me feel stupid for saying it so blandly.

"I mean, you're such a perfectly normal guy."

"Uh... Right... Okay.. ?"

"You aren't like those neurotic alphas with control freakish tendencies. You listen to me, you don't judge me, you don't think with your dick the entire time. You're so honest about your feelings and thoughts. If you want to touch me, you touch me, if you want to talk to me, you talk to me, if you want something you ask for it. There's so much clarity and forthcomingness in your nature that just somehow aligns and fits perfectly in my life, you know? You don't try to bend my will or force your opinions on me, you don't try to control me or play with me. You get what I mean? Perfectly normal." I pause to catch my breath. ''I'm so fucking lucky Arjun.' I gaze at his brown eyes, exhaling my nervousness, feeling nothing but comfort while exposing my vulnerabilities to this man.

"And so fucking stupid?" He states with a no-nonsense demeanor.

That makes me giggle. "So fucking stupid," I agree, the sick humor in my tone making my stomach coil in disgust. Stupid for not grabbing at him and holding onto him. For pushing him away and distancing myself. I'm worse than Bertha Fucking Mason. A disappointment.