Finding Him and Me

Chapter 50 - Concessions & Closeness

I inhale deeply and deliberately and begin a tale not so old, "growing into a teen... It brought out the worst parts of me. Anger. I'm a very very angry person. I get ticked off and blow off steam at the smallest of things. And that's not even the worst part. It's the controlling. I can't. I can't control my temper. It just grows and grows the longer I curb it. Then, one day, I lose it. Like a cloud bursting open and unleashing every drop of water it holds back, demoniacally. 

When thought over deeply, rage is a very beautiful emotion. Its an outlet to one's mental toxicity. Like when pimples break out. They remove the physical germs in your body. I never want to stop myself from feeling and lashing out. I hate doing that to myself. Stopping my instincts and hurting myself. Yes it's really selfish, but I don't know. When I get angry, all I see is red. Harm, agony, an uncontrollable urge to switch off my feelings,.... death.

Piercings helped in a way, that's what I tell myself. The burning sting helps. It keeps my anger in check." I trail my finger along the shell of my ear and explain, "The anger flows here, to my ears and it just converts to pain. The law of conservation of energy? When you convert one emotion to another, rage to pain. It prevents me from smashing people's head or my head against the wall and drowning in that feel of losing control and being in full control of my anger at the same time." I exhale deeply, slightly disgusted at myself. I've had these thoughts in my own mind for a long time. But spilling my guts out to someone aloud just makes me realize how much of a coward and loser I am. Getting holes in my body to force a lid down my temper. Pathetic.

  "When the pain of one piercing stops. I get another. The Beauty of it is just a gift. And now they're an integral and glorious part of me." I pause and smile reservedly. "With each passing day I think, I feel, that hurting myself is better than hurting the people I love the most with my words at times. And I know that the way I go about trying to do that is the worst method one could find in a book, but it really changed me. It pins me, ties me and chains me down from falling off that deep end, from where easy return is as bleak as surviving a fall from the tallest of mountains." I finish solemnly, suddenly afraid.

Arjun remains stoic, staring away into oblivion for several seconds and paranoia seeps me. "This was a terrible mistake. I should have kept quiet. You must really hate me now." I rush out proceeding to get up, but his hand clamps down around me.

"Alia." He starts and bites down on his lip. "I come from a place where people like you are as rare to find as diamonds in the ocean. The only person who I can confide in about every little thing is probably my sister. I'm not awarded such honesty, forthcoming and heart-felt conversations from everyone. So please don't apologize because something that feels so right cannot be a mistake." He phrases with kind eyes. "Also, by now I think its pretty clear that I can never hate you." He squeezes my hand spreading warmth up my arm. "Your selflessness is beautiful, just like you. I wish you wouldn't have to endure much anger, because you're the most loving person I've come across, always wearing your true feelings on your sleeve. And having two such contrasting personalities battling inside you can be harder than I can imagine. I don't know you well enough, but I trust you're doing just fine reining it and still being a red helium balloon." Arjun finishes with his killer boyish grin.

His last words make me through my head back and laugh. This boy will kill me with his charm. So aptly is he playing the role of Prince Charming. "You're very kind and mindful, thank you. Although I do hear you speak from experience Arjun. So what is your story?"

He lets out long breath and the edge of his sculptured lips curl into an undecipherable smile. "We can pick up heavy story telling another time, lets go watch the movie. We probably missed the beginning." He asserts hurriedly. 

"Why do you put off talking about yourself? Are you secret criminal? Agent? Or were you hurt?" I ask so curious to know more about him. 

"You'll know soon enough." He repeats his words from the day we went to pool getting up and offering me his hand. He kept his word.

"I look forward to 'soon' then." I reply placing my hand in his for probably the hundredth time. The connection never failing to make my skin tingle. "Can I keep your jacket until after the movie?" I ask not wanting to be impolite.

"Of course!" He nods and we make our way up to the theater room in Anya Varma's house.

Its very dark and spooky. More like a hunted museum than an actual home.

"Okay here's a question. Why couldn't Cinderella play soccer?" Arjun suddenly throws making me stop at the top of the staircase.

"Um... I have no idea. Probably because her step mother burdened her with too many chores?" I guess. I'm terrible at riddles.

"Haha no. Its because she kept running away from the ball." He chuckles.

I look down and cringe for a few seconds. "Lame." I remark.

"No where near as lame that broom dance is." He snorts 

"Oh my god you're so mean!" I express loudly, landing a smack on his arm.

Well, I attempt to, he catches my wrist beforehand and pushes me against the wall. "I'm not mean. I'm honest. Oh and Alia." Coming closer he whispers into my ear, his warm breath making me shiver. "Nice bra by the way." I get goosebumps and no thanks to spontaneous combustion I probably look like I'll fall at his feet and beg him to do naughty things to me. Jesus Christ I need to get a fucking grip over my hormones.

"Dear god, you're such an asshole. Go away" I cry out toppling over my own two little feet in wild and shy laughter. I push his chest away forcefully but he doesn't budge an inch like the block of stone he is.

"What did you just call me?" He demands with dark eyes shooting sizzles right down to my core.

My throat dries up at his hotness. "You never mentioned your deafness to me earlier. No worries. I called you an asshole. A-S-S-H-O-L-E for your blunt manner of speaking to me." I quip with doe-like eyes.

"Are you justifying yourself Cinderella?" He voices huskily inches from my mouth.

"I don't have to." I declare breathlessly placing my palm on his chest.

He obliges this time and steps away, cutting me off the feel of his body. "This conversation isn't over." Arjun warns taking my hand leading me to the movie room.

Like hell it isn't I internally snort still a little bubbled up from our very very very very intimate encounter. I want him close to me again my inner kitten pouts. Me too I blush in response.

Lady Tremaine and the step sisters make their entrance on screen as we do into the room. Since all the seats are occupied upfront, we maneuver our way to the back and sit down on an extremely comfortable two-seater sofa. I let out a soft sigh of fatigue. I watch the movie for a few minutes after which a row of sleepless nights, days of practice, stress and excitement catch up to me and my eyes droop.

Literal warmth and comfort envelopes my body and my head finds a shoulder as I escape to the land of dreams. The smell of rain, forests and cologne clings to the cloud of air surrounding me.

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Heyyy!!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter!! All the coming chapters will include lots of chemistry and growing feelings between Arjun and Alia!! Share you thoughts in the comments section and don't forget to vote!! I love you all❤️❤️❤️